I realize that a public blog isn't meant in any way shape or form to be used as a personal diary fully equipped with dark secrets, fugitive skeletons that have somehow escaped their closets, nor any generally profound depressing bullshit. I get it. Not a single fucking person on this planet wants to read TMI… Continue reading Tunnels.
There's this wall. This brick wall. It's like, as tall/long/wide whatever as that wall in China. Look Susan, I am NOT turning to google to fact-check whether that wall still exists but I can only imagine it must because that shit would take forever to knock down and then another 67 forevers to clean up… Continue reading Wrecking Ball
Have you ever felt...trapped? Trapped by yourself, trapped by others, trapped by your circumstances, trapped by your fears and your inhibitions, trapped by nothing that you didn't create for yourself to begin with? I feel fucking trapped. And I can finally at least say it or write it "out loud" without giving a damn about… Continue reading The Little Worker Bee That Could
I'm alive. I'm not quitting my blog. Ok that's all the explanation I'll be gifting everyone about my absence. And now, without further ado ladies and gents.... a throwback of last months' seemingly endless fuckeries. Last month, there was a portion of my so-called life that lasted about 2 weeks or so that can be… Continue reading Carousel of Fuckeries
Let's not even beat around the bush here. I've got a rant. And I'm all giddy and flusterfucked about it....yet at the same time, not really. An odd concoction of emotions, right?! But also? There needs to be some tangy, fruity alcoholic drink named The Giddy Flusterfuck or just, The Ely. That'll get you drunk… Continue reading Left Boob Bitchings: The Sequel
These past few weeks. Man. Guys. Ladies? Children of all ages? (Here the fuck we go...let the circus of words begin!) I Just have to tell you. But first I just have to tell you that this isn't a rap song or a poem. I'm just pacing myself here so that I can somehow try… Continue reading Hello Emotional Instability?… It’s Me… Ely. I Miss You.
This past weekend was a surprisingly relaxed and down-to-Earth, backyard-BBQ-with-the-fam, rollerblade around the block with the kids, and just chill type of weekend. No cake orders. No devices, overly needy children nor alarms to wake me up in the mornings. No impossible house chores to tackle. Seriously. It was just- a stand-up, exemplary, suit-wearing, chivalrous… Continue reading Bleach Happens
Dear Santa; Sigh. Level with me jolly old man. Pull up a chair. Get comfy. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Treat yo-self. Here...have a freshly purchased Walmart cookie with all the merry green and joyful red sprinkles and a hot cup of microwaved instant hot chocolate with extra tiny little marshmallows (I… Continue reading A Not-So-Merry Message For The Fat King of The North
[This isn't going to be your preferred Monday type of inspirational or funny read... I apologize for that right now. But I just needed to get these words off my chest and I promise to keep it moving after this. I figured maybe there would be a light at the end of this... I'm still… Continue reading Tsunamis
For the past few weeks I've been digging deep for more light-hearted, funnier-ish, look-at-me-I'm-not-always-a-dark-sociopath content. Besides the two victims whom I wished explosive diarrhea upon (I'm sure it was justified), I think I've been doing ok-ish. Give me some credit. It's so tough. It's tough trying to aim for this positive, bright, encouraging, forever-witty, entertaining… Continue reading Lost, Frightened Puppy. Does Not Understand SEO’s or Adwords.