For the past few weeks I've been digging deep for more light-hearted, funnier-ish, look-at-me-I'm-not-always-a-dark-sociopath content. Besides the two victims whom I wished explosive diarrhea upon (I'm sure it was justified), I think I've been doing ok-ish. Give me some credit. It's so tough. It's tough trying to aim for this positive, bright, encouraging, forever-witty, entertaining… Continue reading Lost, Frightened Puppy. Does Not Understand SEO’s or Adwords.
Dearest Mrs Ms. (...there's no way anyone on this planet in their right mind could ever possibly marry such a moron. Then again someone married Trump) Cunty-Cutter-in-a-Camry; Oh hi! 'Member me? Oh silly me. Where have my manners gone?! Of course ya don't Cunty! We haven't actually been formally introduced! Well.. I know who you… Continue reading Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: Cunty-Cutter-In-A-Camry
It's Thirsty Thursday ya'll! Who's thirsty for a rant?! [Confession] I admit it. I just made this Thursday thing up in light of my horrid time management skills because this post was supposed to be ready for WTF is on yo mind Wednesday but that clearly didn't happen and rants can't just marinate on the… Continue reading Thirsty-For-A-Rant-Thursday: A Biblical Boob Bitching
Stiletto Shaped Nails WHY do your nails look like weapons? Is this even legal? Are you allowed on airplanes or inside of bars? First of all I'm terrified of you and secondly, I question your ability to properly wipe your own ass. I'm sorry. But I do. I have doubts. I don't even want to… Continue reading If You Love These “Trends” We Can’t Be Friends. Or maybe We Just Need Some Time To Re-Evaluate Our “Friendship”.
Ok first of all? I know a lot about life. When people open their souls to me and tell me their struggles (may the Lort (that wasn't a typo) be with them) I'm always thinking to myself meh. Been there done that bought the t-shirt, the mug, the keychain, and the bumper sticker. What else… Continue reading Preach On, Preachy Preachin’ Preacher!
There are, roughly one trillion and sixty three point eight thoughts rough drafts titled "How To Rule The Universe" just ricocheting around my brain this evening like a maniacal frenzy of 1,000,000,000,063.8 invisible rubber bullets. "Typical Ely...so extra." You say with a subtle, but still noticeable roll of eyes. "Granted." I respond, wearing a half-smirk… Continue reading The Evolution of “More”
It's almost official- I'm still working on it- but I've started my side-hustle web and blog. I've done a lot of mental back and forth with this site- not knowing what approach to take- and then it hit me. There's no approach. Just be your fucking self, and do the damn things. Here's my first… Continue reading The CEO of Keepin it Real
When I started blogging again towards the end of June last year- PS: I totally missed my re-bloggaversary, but I'm still accepting gifts and trophies and any kind of attention that doesn't require me to be seen or touched or directly spoken to- I sort of made an unspoken pact to leave my kids out… Continue reading Low-Key Badass Parenting
This morning was...just off. I was up at 4 a.m. tossing and turning, unable to get back to sleep. Wierd, because I'm the absolute worst kind of deep sleeper. Despite my innermost drama and the fact that I have all this miscellaneous junk floating around my mind at any given time, for as long as… Continue reading Let Go and Let August
I know that I'm not alone. It's an incomprehensibly big ass world out there and it's filled with billions of people who are going through all of the fucked up things. Not one of us on this planet is more deserving than the other of a happy life and not one of us is an… Continue reading Everything and Nothing