You know. I'd recently been going through some disturbing stuff. If you're not all caught up, well let's just say the life-demons conspired to gang-rape my soul and leave me stranded...shivering and dazed in a gutter somewhere in the middle of the ghetto and it's taken me quite some time to fully "function" again and… Continue reading Treat Yo Sadness by Treating Yo Self
Okay FIRST of all? The whole idealism of "Thanksgiving" is a fucking sham. (Oh! Well then! Hi there Ely. Welcome back?) Friends? It's time we gathered 'round the table-o-truth here because we need to have a serious adultish talk. There's really no easy way to say this but- we have been DECEIVED! We done been… Continue reading Happy Hybrid-Wild-Gooseduck Day!
No human lives were harmed during the making of this post but I cannot speak for the cruel and unusual punishment used upon English grammar. This post has NOT been tested on animals, nor is it kid-tested/mother-approved. The fuckeries to follow have FURTHER not been approved by the FDA so if you consume this inorganic bullshit,… Continue reading A Breakdown of Breakdowns
It's inevitable. Inevitably, I'm on the brink of turning the big(ger) thirty-two! And while I'm typically an antisocial introvert who wants zero part of anything that has to do with being anywhere near the center of attention, the truth is, I turn into a fucking intolerable diva around my birthday. I admit it. I'm kind… Continue reading The Unravelings of Semi-Adulthood
I know that it's Sunday- at least that's what my calendar claims. I know that it's 8:17 pm right this very moment- at least that's what my phone tells me. I know that I'm pissed off about the fact that I've been summoned forced respectfully not really given a choice but to labor on "Labor day"… Continue reading POSTpartum Depression
So here's the thing. Paul stole borrowed this thing about a list of 101 liked and disliked things from someone who stole the thing from someone else and then everyone started stealing the thing from Paul because the thing is like, super fun and quick to read and relate to or disagree with and for sure, you'll… Continue reading 101 Things That Make My Soul Sparkle
No. Not you Blue's Clue's Steve. But I'm not done with you yet (apparently). Seriously Karina, you just made me question half of my existence. Is this the twilight zone as fuck or what? Guys. Steve isn't even dead? And then I went and actually looked this up and I'm baffled. Like how did I… Continue reading Dear Steve;
There's a question which has grabbed ahold of me tightly. It's flowing like a harpoon in my mind, daily and nightly and it's killing my brain like a poisonous mushroom. So let's get quick to the point, to the point no faking. (I don't eat bacon so I won't be cooking any MC's like a pound… Continue reading Alright STOP. Collaborate and Listen…
If I had a penny for every single time I've whispered "what the FUCK" to myself by the end of any day- I'd be rich. I'd be able to pay off my credit cards. I'd be able to half-ass-afford my own Starbucks addiction without willingly overdrawing my bank account-I don't think you've been… Continue reading In Which I Layer Rants On Rants To Make A Rantwich and Then Sprinkle it With A Dash of Rant and Add a Side Of Ranting.
I hate how no matter the time or day your parking lots are overcrowded; And by the time I find a space from my scalp, 4 new grey hairs have sprouted. I hate how when grandma tags along I can never find an electric cart. And when I finally hunt one down it never wants… Continue reading 10 Things I Hate About You (An Ode to Walmart)