.....What are you even talking abo- oh just shut your fucking trap Susan seriously just shut it! NOT EVERYONE loves Christmas! Sure no one wants to be the dick who hates Shitmas I mean Christmas... like who WANTS people to assume they're related to Scrooge or The Grinch or Satan or Trump? No one Susan, that's who. Now… Continue reading Monday Confessional (1): Bah Humbug
It's inevitable. Inevitably, I'm on the brink of turning the big(ger) thirty-two! And while I'm typically an antisocial introvert who wants zero part of anything that has to do with being anywhere near the center of attention, the truth is, I turn into a fucking intolerable diva around my birthday. I admit it. I'm kind… Continue reading The Unravelings of Semi-Adulthood
Dear. EVERY. single. person. on. this. planet. with. electricity. hot water. and. a. normal. life. right. the. fuck. now: And believe me when I say, this is not me being all cute and snarky and "Awe, the Fox is harmless! She's just being her sarcastic awesome self, you really can't take her serious"... NO! You… Continue reading ELEVEN.
I know that it's Sunday- at least that's what my calendar claims. I know that it's 8:17 pm right this very moment- at least that's what my phone tells me. I know that I'm pissed off about the fact that I've been summoned forced respectfully not really given a choice but to labor on "Labor day"… Continue reading POSTpartum Depression
Hey Paul? You get 97.675783865% credit for this post title. #TeamGenius #NowPleasegogetFrostedFlakesyouwillthankmelater #BoyBye So we're knees-deep into this era of people being "EXTRA". And I don't know who the punny little bitch was who came up with this "she's so extra" concept but I'm (sans the peanut butter) because I feel like I am the… Continue reading EXTRA EXTRA!! READ ALL ABOUT HOW I’M SOOO EXTRA EXTRA!
Good evening and thank you for tuning in tonight! The fox is comin' at you LIVE and you're hearing it FIRST from WSGNF-9 Fox Knews 7 at 7... I have no idea. I just auto-assume that all news stations have "official" undercover code names that always start with a W followed by a bunch of… Continue reading In Other Knews…
Negative-Naomi, Pessimistic-Peggy, and Temperamental-Tricia were in town today and the Trifling-Trio decided they'd each stab a straw into my soul and slurp it out of me, kind of like how the witches from Hocus Pocus did to kids you know? But without straws because they had magic and well yea, like THAT. Luckily, my toxically sweet soul… Continue reading She. Who Will NOT Be Tamed…
No. Not you Blue's Clue's Steve. But I'm not done with you yet (apparently). Seriously Karina, you just made me question half of my existence. Is this the twilight zone as fuck or what? Guys. Steve isn't even dead? And then I went and actually looked this up and I'm baffled. Like how did I… Continue reading Dear Steve;
There's a question which has grabbed ahold of me tightly. It's flowing like a harpoon in my mind, daily and nightly and it's killing my brain like a poisonous mushroom. So let's get quick to the point, to the point no faking. (I don't eat bacon so I won't be cooking any MC's like a pound… Continue reading Alright STOP. Collaborate and Listen…
If I had a penny for every single time I've whispered "what the FUCK" to myself by the end of any day- I'd be rich. I'd be able to pay off my credit cards. I'd be able to half-ass-afford my own Starbucks addiction without willingly overdrawing my bank account-I don't think you've been… Continue reading In Which I Layer Rants On Rants To Make A Rantwich and Then Sprinkle it With A Dash of Rant and Add a Side Of Ranting.