Witty Rants

The Book Of Ely

I'm a stubborn bitch person woman bitch- always go with your first instincts, boys and girls and never delete your first multiple choice answers on exams and when in doubt always choose "C"- ok. Let's try this again. ...With the delusional exception of winning a multi-million dollar lottery that I've never even purchased a ticket… Continue reading The Book Of Ely

Deep Into The Foxhole, Witty Rants

New Year, Same Fuckeries

Brace yo-selves. It's almost 20-18. And you know what that means. Sigh. Yes ya'll. It means all shape and form of social media will overfloweth with unimpressive, cliché AF, "New year NEW ME" resolution-fuckeries. 99.999999999% of which? Are all?...(ding ding DING!!) fitness goals. Mind you, bitches were just shoving bottomless plates of pork, rice, beans,… Continue reading New Year, Same Fuckeries

Witty Rants

Happy Hybrid-Wild-Gooseduck Day!

Okay FIRST of all? The whole idealism of "Thanksgiving" is a fucking sham. (Oh! Well then! Hi there Ely. Welcome back?) Friends? It's time we gathered 'round the table-o-truth here because we need to have a serious adultish talk. There's really no easy way to say this but- we have been DECEIVED! We done been… Continue reading Happy Hybrid-Wild-Gooseduck Day!

Soul-Searching Rants

To Every Stella Out There Right Now.

Your first thought: Who is this "Stella" and I mean..how many of them are there? Hmm...'cause I know zero Stellas except that one chick from the movie with the badass braids and muscle for days!     And I obviously know you thought this 'cause I'm psychic. And come to think of it I forgot to… Continue reading To Every Stella Out There Right Now.

Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants

Fearless and Fabulous

Fun fact: I am a geek who is obsessed with books! Above all, I am addicted to inspirational, humorous, sassy, real life type of books and I am so glad I ordered this little gem on Amazon! Cara is a self-made life coaching piece of human sass who started as just the blogger behind thechampagnediet.com… Continue reading Fearless and Fabulous

Soul-Searching Rants

There’s NO Giving Up at 30!

My balls have shriveled up when it comes to my writing. The fact that I haven't written a single word in I don't even know HOW long is not only embarrassing, it is physically debilitating. It's like someone shanked me in the gut with a thick shard of glass and dug their way through my… Continue reading There’s NO Giving Up at 30!