Witty Rants

Tsunamis

[This isn't going to be your preferred Monday type of inspirational or funny read... I apologize for that right now. But I just needed to get these words off my chest and I promise to keep it moving after this. I figured maybe there would be a light at the end of this... I'm still… Continue reading Tsunamis

Deep Rants, Soul-Searching Rants

The Lonely Rose: The Birth of A Writer

It was my second grade year. Banyan Elementary School. I still live close by and it never fails- the tiny little blondish see-through hairs on my arms stand up every time I pass the small school yard that once seemed to stretch further than the Pacific Ocean. And every single time, I think of that… Continue reading The Lonely Rose: The Birth of A Writer

Blogging about Blogging, Deep Rants

Lost, Frightened Puppy. Does Not Understand SEO’s or Adwords.

For the past few weeks I've been digging deep for more light-hearted, funnier-ish, look-at-me-I'm-not-always-a-dark-sociopath content. Besides the two victims whom I wished explosive diarrhea upon (I'm sure it was justified), I think I've been doing ok-ish. Give me some credit. It's so tough. It's tough trying to aim for this positive, bright, encouraging, forever-witty, entertaining… Continue reading Lost, Frightened Puppy. Does Not Understand SEO’s or Adwords.

Humor, Letters, Witty Rants

Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: Cunty-Cutter-In-A-Camry

Dearest Mrs Ms. (...there's no way anyone on this planet in their right mind could ever possibly marry such a moron. Then again someone married Trump) Cunty-Cutter-in-a-Camry; Oh hi! 'Member me? Oh silly me. Where have my manners gone?! Of course ya don't Cunty! We haven't actually been formally introduced! Well.. I know who you… Continue reading Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: Cunty-Cutter-In-A-Camry

Humor, Lifestyle Rants, Witty Rants

Thirsty-For-A-Rant-Thursday: A Biblical Boob Bitching

It's Thirsty Thursday ya'll! Who's thirsty for a rant?! [Confession] I admit it. I just made this Thursday thing up in light of my horrid time management skills because this post was supposed to be ready for WTF is on yo mind Wednesday but that clearly didn't happen and rants can't just marinate on the… Continue reading Thirsty-For-A-Rant-Thursday: A Biblical Boob Bitching

Witty Rants

In Which I Consider Selling My Son To The Black Market

When I was pregnant with my son, I felt like I was floating on a marshmallow cloud of motherly bliss. I had already been blessed with my perfect little princess and I also had a beautiful stepdaughter but I wanted my handsome little prince more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. Life… Continue reading In Which I Consider Selling My Son To The Black Market

Lifestyle Rants, Witty Rants, WTF Wednesdays

WTF-Is-On-Yo-Mind-THURSDAY-Because-I-Have-A-Solid-Excuse-For-Skipping-Wednesday

I planned on keeping these posts in list-format, but I'll make some particular exceptions if there is a more specific thing to rant about on any given Wednesday. I think I'll just go with the flow and with whatever I'm feeling. Also? How impressed are you? 3 weeks in row?! That's typically not even how… Continue reading WTF-Is-On-Yo-Mind-THURSDAY-Because-I-Have-A-Solid-Excuse-For-Skipping-Wednesday

Witty Rants, WTF Wednesdays

WTF-IS-ON-YO-MIND-WEDNESDAYS

Well then! Welcome back ladies and gen- Oh you are just too much...thank you, thank you- you guys are just phenomenal! What a crowd! Love this energy! This is what it's all about! You feel that? That's adrenaline people! Yeaaaa!!! Wooooo! Ok let's keep it together here. Gotta get this show goin.. Welcome back to… Continue reading WTF-IS-ON-YO-MIND-WEDNESDAYS

Deep Into The Foxhole, Humor, Lifestyle Rants, Money Rants, Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

Preach On, Preachy Preachin’ Preacher!

Ok first of all? I know a lot about life. When people open their souls to me and tell me their struggles (may the Lort (that wasn't a typo) be with them) I'm always thinking to myself meh. Been there done that bought the t-shirt, the mug, the keychain, and the bumper sticker. What else… Continue reading Preach On, Preachy Preachin’ Preacher!

Deep Into The Foxhole, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

The Evolution of “More”

There are, roughly one trillion and sixty three point eight thoughts rough drafts titled "How To Rule The Universe" just ricocheting around my brain this evening like a maniacal frenzy of 1,000,000,000,063.8 invisible rubber bullets. "Typical Ely...so extra." You say with a subtle, but still noticeable roll of eyes. "Granted." I respond, wearing a half-smirk… Continue reading The Evolution of “More”