Humor, Letters, Witty Rants

A Not-So-Merry Message For The Fat King of The North

Dear Santa; Sigh. Level with me jolly old man. Pull up a chair. Get comfy. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Treat yo-self. Here...have a freshly purchased Walmart cookie with all the merry green and joyful red sprinkles and a hot cup of microwaved instant hot chocolate with extra tiny little marshmallows (I… Continue reading A Not-So-Merry Message For The Fat King of The North

Humor, Letters, Witty Rants

Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: Cunty-Cutter-In-A-Camry

Dearest Mrs Ms. (...there's no way anyone on this planet in their right mind could ever possibly marry such a moron. Then again someone married Trump) Cunty-Cutter-in-a-Camry; Oh hi! 'Member me? Oh silly me. Where have my manners gone?! Of course ya don't Cunty! We haven't actually been formally introduced! Well.. I know who you… Continue reading Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: Cunty-Cutter-In-A-Camry

Witty Rants

In Which I Consider Selling My Son To The Black Market

When I was pregnant with my son, I felt like I was floating on a marshmallow cloud of motherly bliss. I had already been blessed with my perfect little princess and I also had a beautiful stepdaughter but I wanted my handsome little prince more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. Life… Continue reading In Which I Consider Selling My Son To The Black Market

Lifestyle Rants, Witty Rants, WTF Wednesdays

WTF-Is-On-Yo-Mind-THURSDAY-Because-I-Have-A-Solid-Excuse-For-Skipping-Wednesday

I planned on keeping these posts in list-format, but I'll make some particular exceptions if there is a more specific thing to rant about on any given Wednesday. I think I'll just go with the flow and with whatever I'm feeling. Also? How impressed are you? 3 weeks in row?! That's typically not even how… Continue reading WTF-Is-On-Yo-Mind-THURSDAY-Because-I-Have-A-Solid-Excuse-For-Skipping-Wednesday

Humor, In Which I List The Things, Witty Rants

If You Love These “Trends” We Can’t Be Friends. Or maybe We Just Need Some Time To Re-Evaluate Our “Friendship”.

Stiletto Shaped Nails WHY do your nails look like weapons? Is this even legal? Are you allowed on airplanes or inside of bars? First of all I'm terrified of you and secondly, I question your ability to properly wipe your own ass. I'm sorry. But I do. I have doubts. I don't even want to… Continue reading If You Love These “Trends” We Can’t Be Friends. Or maybe We Just Need Some Time To Re-Evaluate Our “Friendship”.

Witty Rants, WTF Wednesdays

WTF-IS-ON-YO-MIND-WEDNESDAYS

Well then! Welcome back ladies and gen- Oh you are just too much...thank you, thank you- you guys are just phenomenal! What a crowd! Love this energy! This is what it's all about! You feel that? That's adrenaline people! Yeaaaa!!! Wooooo! Ok let's keep it together here. Gotta get this show goin.. Welcome back to… Continue reading WTF-IS-ON-YO-MIND-WEDNESDAYS

Humor, In Which I List The Things, Witty Rants

WTF-Is-On-Your-Mind Wednesdays

Is this a thing now? A weekly segment with the Fox?! Well let's not make any promises. I'm not very popular in the consistency department, but I fully intend on upping my fuckeries and keeping a more steady flow of petty ranting for your souls. The world needs more ranting and I'm here to make… Continue reading WTF-Is-On-Your-Mind Wednesdays

Deep Into The Foxhole, Humor, Lifestyle Rants, Money Rants, Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

Preach On, Preachy Preachin’ Preacher!

Ok first of all? I know a lot about life. When people open their souls to me and tell me their struggles (may the Lort (that wasn't a typo) be with them) I'm always thinking to myself meh. Been there done that bought the t-shirt, the mug, the keychain, and the bumper sticker. What else… Continue reading Preach On, Preachy Preachin’ Preacher!

Deep Into The Foxhole, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

The Evolution of “More”

There are, roughly one trillion and sixty three point eight thoughts rough drafts titled "How To Rule The Universe" just ricocheting around my brain this evening like a maniacal frenzy of 1,000,000,000,063.8 invisible rubber bullets. "Typical Ely...so extra." You say with a subtle, but still noticeable roll of eyes. "Granted." I respond, wearing a half-smirk… Continue reading The Evolution of “More”

Blogging about Blogging, Caking & Baking, Humor, Witty Rants

The CEO of Keepin it Real

It's almost official- I'm still working on it- but I've started my side-hustle web and blog. I've done a lot of mental back and forth with this site- not knowing what approach to take- and then it hit me. There's no approach. Just be your fucking self, and do the damn things. Here's my first… Continue reading The CEO of Keepin it Real