Witty Rants

The Book Of Ely

I'm a stubborn bitch person woman bitch- always go with your first instincts, boys and girls and never delete your first multiple choice answers on exams and when in doubt always choose "C"- ok. Let's try this again. ...With the delusional exception of winning a multi-million dollar lottery that I've never even purchased a ticket… Continue reading The Book Of Ely

Deep Rants, In Which I List The Things, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants

TBH?

To be honest? If you can't be an adult and handle a list of brutally honest opinions or "truths", then don't even bother reading. And if you're going to find the instant need to defend your own perception of each of MY honest opinions... well don't. Write your own blog post and speak your own… Continue reading TBH?

Deep Into The Foxhole, Witty Rants

New Year, Same Fuckeries

Brace yo-selves. It's almost 20-18. And you know what that means. Sigh. Yes ya'll. It means all shape and form of social media will overfloweth with unimpressive, cliché AF, "New year NEW ME" resolution-fuckeries. 99.999999999% of which? Are all?...(ding ding DING!!) fitness goals. Mind you, bitches were just shoving bottomless plates of pork, rice, beans,… Continue reading New Year, Same Fuckeries

Deep Rants, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

Treat Yo Sadness by Treating Yo Self

You know. I'd recently been going through some disturbing stuff. If you're not all caught up, well let's just say the life-demons conspired to gang-rape my soul and leave me stranded...shivering and dazed in a gutter somewhere in the middle of the ghetto and it's taken me quite some time to fully "function" again and… Continue reading Treat Yo Sadness by Treating Yo Self

Witty Rants

Happy Hybrid-Wild-Gooseduck Day!

Okay FIRST of all? The whole idealism of "Thanksgiving" is a fucking sham. (Oh! Well then! Hi there Ely. Welcome back?) Friends? It's time we gathered 'round the table-o-truth here because we need to have a serious adultish talk. There's really no easy way to say this but- we have been DECEIVED! We done been… Continue reading Happy Hybrid-Wild-Gooseduck Day!

Blogging about Blogging, Deep Rants, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

A Breakdown of Breakdowns

No human lives were harmed during the making of this post but I cannot speak for the cruel and unusual punishment used upon English grammar. This post has NOT been tested on animals, nor is it kid-tested/mother-approved. The fuckeries to follow have FURTHER not been approved by the FDA so if you consume this inorganic bullshit,… Continue reading A Breakdown of Breakdowns

Lifestyle Rants, Witty Rants

ELEVEN.

Dear. EVERY. single. person. on. this. planet. with. electricity. hot water. and. a. normal. life. right. the. fuck. now: And believe me when I say, this is not me being all cute and snarky and "Awe, the Fox is harmless! She's just being her sarcastic awesome self, you really can't take her serious"... NO! You… Continue reading ELEVEN.

Blogging about Blogging, Letters, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants

She. Who Will NOT Be Tamed…

Negative-Naomi, Pessimistic-Peggy, and Temperamental-Tricia were in town today and the Trifling-Trio decided they'd each stab a straw into my soul and slurp it out of me, kind of like how the witches from Hocus Pocus did to kids you know? But without straws because they had magic and well yea, like THAT. Luckily, my toxically sweet soul… Continue reading She. Who Will NOT Be Tamed…

Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

WeekEND

If there were a way to capture a screenshot of what's happening inside of my fucking head right now, I'm positive it would be immediately flagged as inappropriate content and banned by whoever those prick-people are who have actual jobs judging what gets banned from social media. It would look like a fucking battlefield-except there… Continue reading WeekEND

Letters, Witty Rants

In Response To ‘Merica, The Cunt

Disclaimer: When it comes to politics I rely on tabloids, whatever google says, and whatever everyone on Facebook says. Did you think that would stop me inserting my 2 cents plus an extra cent just for the sake of living up to my "extra-ness"?  Come on! we all know opinions are like assholes. Everybody has… Continue reading In Response To ‘Merica, The Cunt