Dwayne Wade is back in Dade with the Heat. Well ain't that neat? Not really, I don't honestly give a sheet shit. There goes my poet-ry. I was going for a slam dunk but I landed on the toilet seat and my rhyming took a dump. What a load of crap, I'm just saying- how… Continue reading Fox-News-Fridays
To be honest? If you can't be an adult and handle a list of brutally honest opinions or "truths", then don't even bother reading. And if you're going to find the instant need to defend your own perception of each of MY honest opinions... well don't. Write your own blog post and speak your own… Continue reading TBH?
Dearest SuperCunt Stylist; You don't know me. Not personally at least. We shared 15 minutes of mostly awkward time together and exchanged a few forced words that served to slay the dragon-sized silence that filled the space between us. But don't you worry because I'm confident that by the end of this letter you will… Continue reading Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: SuperCunt Stylist
Brace yo-selves. It's almost 20-18. And you know what that means. Sigh. Yes ya'll. It means all shape and form of social media will overfloweth with unimpressive, cliché AF, "New year NEW ME" resolution-fuckeries. 99.999999999% of which? Are all?...(ding ding DING!!) fitness goals. Mind you, bitches were just shoving bottomless plates of pork, rice, beans,… Continue reading New Year, Same Fuckeries
You know. I'd recently been going through some disturbing stuff. If you're not all caught up, well let's just say the life-demons conspired to gang-rape my soul and leave me stranded...shivering and dazed in a gutter somewhere in the middle of the ghetto and it's taken me quite some time to fully "function" again and… Continue reading Treat Yo Sadness by Treating Yo Self
No human lives were harmed during the making of this post but I cannot speak for the cruel and unusual punishment used upon English grammar. This post has NOT been tested on animals, nor is it kid-tested/mother-approved. The fuckeries to follow have FURTHER not been approved by the FDA so if you consume this inorganic bullshit,… Continue reading A Breakdown of Breakdowns
If I had a penny for every single time I've whispered "what the FUCK" to myself by the end of any day- I'd be rich. I'd be able to pay off my credit cards. I'd be able to half-ass-afford my own Starbucks addiction without willingly overdrawing my bank account-I don't think you've been… Continue reading In Which I Layer Rants On Rants To Make A Rantwich and Then Sprinkle it With A Dash of Rant and Add a Side Of Ranting.
If there were a way to capture a screenshot of what's happening inside of my fucking head right now, I'm positive it would be immediately flagged as inappropriate content and banned by whoever those prick-people are who have actual jobs judging what gets banned from social media. It would look like a fucking battlefield-except there… Continue reading WeekEND
You know that one time when I was all like "Fuck you Universe and your lemons because I'm a boss and if I want apples then you best buh-lieve I'm getting some juicy apples bitch"? Who even ARE you Elizabeth?! Well let me tell you what's been happening. You see, I've been desperately trying to… Continue reading In Which I Rant SO Incessantly That I’m Not EVEN SURE How to Title, Categorize, or Tag The Rant.
I just finished reading the most eloquently written blog post on Facebook. A friend shared it from mom.me and I was enticed only because some other friends complimented it/shared it again and I suddenly felt challenged. And I admit- it was beautifully delivered. It's everything an English professor could ever dream of. But that doesn't… Continue reading In Response to A Mommy Blog