Deep Into The Foxhole, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants

To be.

I am a lot of things. I won't list said "things" because I could be here all damn day hitting you with an epic "about me" essay, but obviously one of the main things I am is a shameless over-sharer. Let's face it, I'm a fan of talking about myself and of my life- the… Continue reading To be.

Humor, Witty Rants

Confessions of a Paper Clip Slayer

I consider myself to be a bit of an oddity. I am super fucking weird. Seriously, there are some quirks and things about me that make zero sense, whatsofuckenever. Take this ridiculous and wasteful habit of mines for instance: What the hell is that you say? Oh you know. A photo. That would be my… Continue reading Confessions of a Paper Clip Slayer

Humor, Lifestyle Rants, Parenting Rants, Witty Rants

The Results Are In. Facebook… You ARE The Mother

I don't know if it may be that Mother Nature is having a hormonal tantrum, or if perhaps global warming is to blame, or if there was like a catastrophic sperm-storm that hit every other uterus here in Miami and who knows where I was (thank God) but literally, I feel like I'm being ambushed… Continue reading The Results Are In. Facebook… You ARE The Mother

Witty Rants

3 Years of Tiers and Tears

First off, let me just say this. CAKE IS NOT "EASY AS CAKE". Whoever said that- fuck her. Or him. Cake is straight up HARDCORE mafia-level serious business. Not only is it an art, but it's a science. Every little detail matters. Whether or not you sifted your flour, what kind of flour you use,… Continue reading 3 Years of Tiers and Tears

Deep Rants, Witty Rants

The Cracked-Out-Unicorn That Could. or Couldn’t. Whatever.

Lately? It's like I'm either a cracked-out-unicorn pooping glitter and vomiting sunshine or an over-sedated, insomniac, depressed-about-being-depressed-about not-knowing-what-he's-depressed-about Eeyore (if you don't know who Eeyore is, we can't be friends. Good day sirs and ma'ms). Either way I'm some kind of horse, apparently. So that's just peachy. Unicorn or Eeyore. Horse or horse. (Shut up… Continue reading The Cracked-Out-Unicorn That Could. or Couldn’t. Whatever.

Witty Rants

Write & Let Write. Don’t be a DICK.

I'm not ignorant. At least not most of the time. Like except when people who claim to be family or friends or people who "care" give me "healthy" advice like "Starbucks is too expensive you should really consider cutting back." Whhhatt??! How fucking DARE you! You know NOTHING. You are NOTHING! :::slurping noises from my… Continue reading Write & Let Write. Don’t be a DICK.

Witty Rants

Monday Mourning Mid-Traffic Rants: Throwin’ Shade

Yes. You read that correctly. Monday mornings are for mourning. And YES Susan this is a mid-traffic rant. Go ahead. Let it out girl. No. No This is not the same thing as texting and driving, so please do actually spare me your safe-driving melodramatic lectures about how people can die. First of all, everyone… Continue reading Monday Mourning Mid-Traffic Rants: Throwin’ Shade

Witty Rants

Fox-News-Fridays

Dwayne Wade is back in Dade with the Heat. Well ain't that neat? Not really, I don't honestly give a sheet shit. There goes my poet-ry. I was going for a slam dunk but I landed on the toilet seat and my rhyming took a dump. What a load of crap, I'm just saying- how… Continue reading Fox-News-Fridays

Witty Rants

The Book Of Ely

I'm a stubborn bitch person woman bitch- always go with your first instincts, boys and girls and never delete your first multiple choice answers on exams and when in doubt always choose "C"- ok. Let's try this again. ...With the delusional exception of winning a multi-million dollar lottery that I've never even purchased a ticket… Continue reading The Book Of Ely

Humor, Letters, Witty Rants

Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: SuperCunt Stylist

Dearest SuperCunt Stylist; You don't know me. Not personally at least. We shared 15 minutes of mostly awkward time together and exchanged a few forced words that served to slay the dragon-sized silence that filled the space between us. But don't you worry because I'm confident that by the end of this letter you will… Continue reading Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: SuperCunt Stylist