Tag: #blogging

Witty Rants

Hello, Summer!

Ely

This post is purely an excuse to (further) show off my first cake for the summer of 2018! I mean am I kidding myself right now?! Look at this masterpiece! I did this! Me! What?! Somebody pinch me! How did I get this far?! And even still, I have so much to improve on and… Continue reading Hello, Summer!

Deep Into The Foxhole, Deep Rants, Passion, Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

Lectures With Dr. Fox, PhD in Rantology

Ely

Can anyone here tell me what is lacking in this world more right now more than ever? Oh you're all so eager to answer this question! Alright alright now, settle down kids. Hmm let me seeee...eeny meenie miny.... Michael! Michael is the underdeveloped brown-nosing nerdy kid always sitting in the first row. He tries too… Continue reading Lectures With Dr. Fox, PhD in Rantology

Witty Rants

The Coolest Flocking Flamingle Like EVER.

Ely

"Hi! I'm Ely... the stepmom!" [insert fake smile] "Welcome! Oh this must be... [insert pause while I fake-patiently await oversized raging hormonal pre-teen number 37's name. Also- what the hell are these kids eating? Are they all on steroids?! They're giants! 6 foot tall little boys and 12 year old girls on their periods everywhere… Continue reading The Coolest Flocking Flamingle Like EVER.

Deep Into The Foxhole, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants

To be.

Ely

I am a lot of things. I won't list said "things" because I could be here all damn day hitting you with an epic "about me" essay, but obviously one of the main things I am is a shameless over-sharer. Let's face it, I'm a fan of talking about myself and of my life- the… Continue reading To be.

Humor, Witty Rants

Confessions of a Paper Clip Slayer

Ely

I consider myself to be a bit of an oddity. I am super fucking weird. Seriously, there are some quirks and things about me that make zero sense, whatsofuckenever. Take this ridiculous and wasteful habit of mines for instance: What the hell is that you say? Oh you know. A photo. That would be my… Continue reading Confessions of a Paper Clip Slayer

Humor, Lifestyle Rants, Parenting Rants, Witty Rants

The Results Are In. Facebook… You ARE The Mother

Ely

I don't know if it may be that Mother Nature is having a hormonal tantrum, or if perhaps global warming is to blame, or if there was like a catastrophic sperm-storm that hit every other uterus here in Miami and who knows where I was (thank God) but literally, I feel like I'm being ambushed… Continue reading The Results Are In. Facebook… You ARE The Mother

Witty Rants

3 Years of Tiers and Tears

Ely

First off, let me just say this. CAKE IS NOT "EASY AS CAKE". Whoever said that- fuck her. Or him. Cake is straight up HARDCORE mafia-level serious business. Not only is it an art, but it's a science. Every little detail matters. Whether or not you sifted your flour, what kind of flour you use,… Continue reading 3 Years of Tiers and Tears

Witty Rants

The Giddy Thief

Ely

I've been holding off on posting my next masterpiece emotional disaster because I really want to work on something strategically funny and upbeat, as opposed to another depressing neverending rant from hell. So I've been waiting patiently to get my giddy back. Because I'm bored of being like, this angry pandemoniac raging beast anxious mommy… Continue reading The Giddy Thief

Deep Rants, Witty Rants

The Cracked-Out-Unicorn That Could. or Couldn’t. Whatever.

Ely

Lately? It's like I'm either a cracked-out-unicorn pooping glitter and vomiting sunshine or an over-sedated, insomniac, depressed-about-being-depressed-about not-knowing-what-he's-depressed-about Eeyore (if you don't know who Eeyore is, we can't be friends. Good day sirs and ma'ms). Either way I'm some kind of horse, apparently. So that's just peachy. Unicorn or Eeyore. Horse or horse. (Shut up… Continue reading The Cracked-Out-Unicorn That Could. or Couldn’t. Whatever.

Witty Rants

Write & Let Write. Don’t be a DICK.

Ely

I'm not ignorant. At least not most of the time. Like except when people who claim to be family or friends or people who "care" give me "healthy" advice like "Starbucks is too expensive you should really consider cutting back." Whhhatt??! How fucking DARE you! You know NOTHING. You are NOTHING! :::slurping noises from my… Continue reading Write & Let Write. Don’t be a DICK.