No human lives were harmed during the making of this post but I cannot speak for the cruel and unusual punishment used upon English grammar. This post has NOT been tested on animals, nor is it kid-tested/mother-approved. The fuckeries to follow have FURTHER not been approved by the FDA so if you consume this inorganic bullshit,… Continue reading A Breakdown of Breakdowns
It's inevitable. Inevitably, I'm on the brink of turning the big(ger) thirty-two! And while I'm typically an antisocial introvert who wants zero part of anything that has to do with being anywhere near the center of attention, the truth is, I turn into a fucking intolerable diva around my birthday. I admit it. I'm kind… Continue reading The Unravelings of Semi-Adulthood
You know what irritates me? An extensive list of unnecessary fuckeries, to be frank. But let's get down to the business of raunchy, raging, ranting shall we? You see as of late, my greatest pet peeve has slowly become humanity; specifically the female portion of it. Yes. People are my pet peeves; especially the ones… Continue reading Class-A -vs- Class-B Bitches: A Bitching about Bitches.
Dear. EVERY. single. person. on. this. planet. with. electricity. hot water. and. a. normal. life. right. the. fuck. now: And believe me when I say, this is not me being all cute and snarky and "Awe, the Fox is harmless! She's just being her sarcastic awesome self, you really can't take her serious"... NO! You… Continue reading ELEVEN.
Sigh. Because if I’ve EVER had a girl-writer-crush… it’s now. Damn Girl, ALWAYS fucking killing it and inspiring me to the fullest! A MUST READ! Like now! GO, damn it.
This is going to come as a huge shock to you: I’m a fairly saucy woman. Spicy. A firecracker. A real pistol. An over-eater…wait, no, that doesn’t belong there.
I enjoy myself very much. I kick ass, take names, make sure those names are kicking ass, and make sure those asses are kicking names. What can I say, I’m thorough.
Being this way has its benefits. I set my mind to something and just…go. If there is something I want on the other side of a mountain, give me a shallow spoon and watch me tunnel, baby.
There is, however, a dark side to combining ambition, intense love, and brutal honesty.
The arson in me recognizes the arson in you
This post is for my warrior women. My Xenas. My tough mothers. Damn, you are sexy AF. I love powerful women. You bitches aren’t to be trifled with, and I…
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A trickle of sweat escapes one of my pores and decides to have a play date on my neck, as it gleefully slides down the slope of flesh that conceals my Jugular. “Wee!!” it squeals, with hands freely waving into the air. It calls out to its other droplet buddies that are comfortably napping in… Continue reading Hyperpyrexious
Hey big momma!I see you girlfriend. Rest assured, the world sees you! You had a point to make, and listen honey- lord knows you're out here making your fucking point. You're one big, bad, crazy, scary bitch, I gotta give it to you! We are impressed, to say the least. Everyone is out here hating on you- ruthlessly… Continue reading Dear Irma;
Because my blog friends, are PHENOMENAL and I could NOT help but repost this hysterical post that Paul dedicated to me, in a SUCCESSFUL attempt to distract me from Irma- and Chef Paulo posts are my absolute fave! If you haven’t read any of his Chef Paulo posts, I’m not sure what you’re actually doing with your lives! You have GOTTTAAAA! I can’t even. I nearly LOST it! Too clever Paul! So thankful, honestly. This was beyond words!
The following episode of Paulo’s Kitchen is dedicated to my friend, Ely, who is bracing for the impact of Hurricane Irma. Stay safe, Ely.
Previously on Paulo’s Kitchen, Cameraman Sam got under Paulo’s skin during filming.
“Up shut it, Samson!”
“Shut up your face, Samuel!”
“That’s enough out of you, Sam Antonio!”
Tonight, Chef Paulo and Sam are back in the same room for the first time since they, allegedly, fought over who got to the stall in the washroom at work first. Will Sam keep his mouth shut? Will Paulo shut it for him? Find out, NEXT.
Ciao! Bonjour! And hello! Welcome back, Paulomaniacs! I am Chef Paulo and this is my kitchen!
Thank you for joining me. I hope you brought your appetite. If not, eh, what can you do? And no, I don’t have extra appetites to give out. I don’t give out freezies! Oh wait…
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I've been purposefully physically, mentally, and emotionally avoiding the shit out of this very post since last week when it was first announced that HurriCUNT Irma would be a potential threat to South Florida. But I knew from the get, that this time things might take a turn for the worst, as evident in this… Continue reading I SOOOO HurriCANNOT Even
I know that it's Sunday- at least that's what my calendar claims. I know that it's 8:17 pm right this very moment- at least that's what my phone tells me. I know that I'm pissed off about the fact that I've been summoned forced respectfully not really given a choice but to labor on "Labor day"… Continue reading POSTpartum Depression