Witty Rants

Paulo’s Kitchen: Peanut Butter Samwich

Because my blog friends, are PHENOMENAL and I could NOT help but repost this hysterical post that Paul dedicated to me, in a SUCCESSFUL attempt to distract me from Irma- and Chef Paulo posts are my absolute fave! If you haven’t read any of his Chef Paulo posts, I’m not sure what you’re actually doing with your lives! You have GOTTTAAAA! I can’t even. I nearly LOST it! Too clever Paul! So thankful, honestly. This was beyond words!

The Captain's Speech

The following episode of Paulo’s Kitchen is dedicated to my friend, Ely, who is bracing for the impact of Hurricane Irma. Stay safe, Ely.

Previously on Paulo’s Kitchen, Cameraman Sam got under Paulo’s skin during filming.

“Up shut it, Samson!”

“Shut up your face, Samuel!”

“That’s enough out of you, Sam Antonio!”


Tonight, Chef Paulo and Sam are back in the same room for the first time since they, allegedly, fought over who got to the stall in the washroom at work first. Will Sam keep his mouth shut? Will Paulo shut it for him? Find out, NEXT.

Ciao! Bonjour! And hello! Welcome back, Paulomaniacs! I am Chef Paulo and this is my kitchen!

Thank you for joining me. I hope you brought your appetite. If not, eh, what can you do? And no, I don’t have extra appetites to give out. I don’t give out freezies! Oh wait…

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Lifestyle Rants


I've been purposefully physically, mentally, and emotionally avoiding the shit out of this very post since last week when it was first announced that HurriCUNT Irma would be a potential threat to South Florida. But I knew from the get, that this time things might take a turn for the worst, as evident in this… Continue reading I SOOOO HurriCANNOT Even

Caking & Baking, Lifestyle Rants, Witty Rants

POSTpartum Depression

I know that it's Sunday- at least that's what my calendar claims. I know that it's 8:17 pm right this very moment- at least that's what my phone tells me. I know that I'm pissed off about the fact that I've been summoned forced respectfully not really given a choice but to labor on "Labor day"… Continue reading POSTpartum Depression

Witty Rants


Hey Paul? You get 97.675783865% credit for this post title. #TeamGenius #NowPleasegogetFrostedFlakesyouwillthankmelater #BoyBye So we're knees-deep into this era of people being "EXTRA".  And I don't know who the punny little bitch was who came up with this "she's so extra" concept but I'm  (sans the peanut butter) because I feel like I am the… Continue reading EXTRA EXTRA!! READ ALL ABOUT HOW I’M SOOO EXTRA EXTRA!

Lifestyle Rants, Witty Rants, Blogging about Blogging, In Which I List The Things

In Other Knews…

Good evening and thank you for tuning in tonight! The fox is comin' at you LIVE and you're hearing it FIRST from WSGNF-9 Fox Knews 7 at 7... I have no idea. I just auto-assume that all news stations have "official" undercover code names that always start with a W followed by a bunch of… Continue reading In Other Knews…

Witty Rants

101 Things That Burden My Soul

Let's just dive into this thing! BOOOOM! (WordPress would spam me right now for that if they could. I'm very displeased with their spam analysts. They have zero personality!)Humidity (the agony... the despair)Roses or flowers of any kind. Don't give me something that lasts a week and then dies and gets tossed in the garbage-… Continue reading 101 Things That Burden My Soul

In Which I List The Things, Witty Rants

101 Things That Make My Soul Sparkle

So here's the thing.  Paul stole borrowed this thing about a list of 101 liked and disliked things from someone who stole the thing from someone else and then everyone started stealing the thing from Paul because the thing is like, super fun and quick to read and relate to or disagree with and for sure, you'll… Continue reading 101 Things That Make My Soul Sparkle

Witty Rants

Cheers To Us “In Between” Girls…

Good morning humans.

I’d like to share a fellow Miami blogger and friend that I’ve known since high school. Effective immediately, I need all to follow, love, and know her!

She’s a stunning human, and we have so much in common sometimes that it’s scary and I’ve labeled her my “soul-twin”. She’s raw, hardcore, funny as hell, relatable, and MUCH quicker to make her point than I ever will be! I’m so proud of you! You’re amazing and I hope you never stop writing again! Also, I have a whole like 67-ish followers girl I am ALMOST blog-famous so get READY to be SLAMMED with fans! 😆

Journey In My 30s

Y’all know what I mean by the “in between” girls right?…no?! Oh my Jesus Lordt…

Ok, I’ll use myself as an example. I’m by no means considered skinny, but at the same time I’m not really Plus size either. I’m right at the cusp fuck you BMI calculator! I refuse to believe I am obese.

So where do I fall?! I work in a retail store which I will not name because of the amount of shit I talk about that place…I mean I hate my job but momma got bills to pay. Feel me? that by no means runs true to size.I’m a size 28 in some jeans, a 30 in others, and in another style a size 30 won’t even go up my thighs…yet I know I can’t fit into the smallest Plus size jeans, those are huge on me. So where the fuck do I fall?! Which…

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Blogging about Blogging, Letters, Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants

She. Who Will NOT Be Tamed…

Negative-Naomi, Pessimistic-Peggy, and Temperamental-Tricia were in town today and the Trifling-Trio decided they'd each stab a straw into my soul and slurp it out of me, kind of like how the witches from Hocus Pocus did to kids you know? But without straws because they had magic and well yea, like THAT. Luckily, my toxically sweet soul… Continue reading She. Who Will NOT Be Tamed…

Letters, Witty Rants

Dear Steve;

No. Not you Blue's Clue's Steve. But I'm not done with you yet (apparently). Seriously Karina, you just made me question half of my existence. Is this the twilight zone as fuck or what? Guys. Steve isn't even dead? And then I went and actually looked this up and I'm baffled. Like how did I… Continue reading Dear Steve;