...that cross my mind more often than I'm comfortable with. I swear I can't make this shit up. Well I could. But I wouldn't. That's not how I roll. Also? You can thank Paul because his genius "50 Thoughts" posts have inspired me ever since I started reading his blog so I guess this is… Continue reading 30 Mini Mental-Fuckeries
So I unintentionally started some "beef" (seriously haven't used that lingo since middle school and I have no idea why I'm using it now...but so what? You want beef too?!) between a friend of mines and an acquaintance of hers a couple of days ago. And there was cake involved. I started beef about cake.… Continue reading Slice of Beefcake, Anyone?
This post is purely an excuse to (further) show off my first cake for the summer of 2018! I mean am I kidding myself right now?! Look at this masterpiece! I did this! Me! What?! Somebody pinch me! How did I get this far?! And even still, I have so much to improve on and… Continue reading Hello, Summer!
Can anyone here tell me what is lacking in this world more right now more than ever? Oh you're all so eager to answer this question! Alright alright now, settle down kids. Hmm let me seeee...eeny meenie miny.... Michael! Michael is the underdeveloped brown-nosing nerdy kid always sitting in the first row. He tries too… Continue reading Lectures With Dr. Fox, PhD in Rantology
Emergency room "nurse": Hmm. When did this start? My actual arm the night I went to emergency room....there was more to it, but who wants pictures of this stuff? Sick fucks. 3-4 days ago, while I was out of the country in the Dominican Republic... they suggested I go to a hospital over there but...… Continue reading She Gives No Pox
When you're hovering 30 something thousand feet in the air inside of a synthetically engineered metal bird, all you can honestly think about, is death. Let's face it. No one wants to admit the morbid fuckeries that are lingering around our brains while we are unnaturally up in the sky because that's just too real… Continue reading Mid-Flight Rants
For the past week I've been digging for some light-hearted rantspiration because I feel as if I'm constantly like damn girl, why you gotta be so dark all the time though? Lighten up yo. Except I haven't used the word "yo" since I was 12 when I also used to force my handwriting to resemble… Continue reading Confessions of a Broken Bride
Heyyyy party over herrreeee! So. It's (my version of) day 2 for this Favorite Quotes 3 day challenge which my genius, phenomenal friend Paul -aka- The Captain's Speech asked me to participate in and now I feel like I've totally let him down because I suck at writing or doing anything with a deadline! Sorry Paul!… Continue reading Rainy Daze/ Favorite Quotes Day 2 (Let’s Pretend It’s Day 2, Cut Me Some Slack!)
It's past midnight here in Miami, which officially makes it Wednesday. So may I be the first to wish ya'll a happy Hump Day!? Do kids still say that? Meh. I'm a leader and a trend-re-setter anyways so fuck it. It stays. For the first time practically ever, I'm actually at a desk. In front… Continue reading Favorite Quotes Challenge- Day 1!
"Hi! I'm Ely... the stepmom!" [insert fake smile] "Welcome! Oh this must be... [insert pause while I fake-patiently await oversized raging hormonal pre-teen number 37's name. Also- what the hell are these kids eating? Are they all on steroids?! They're giants! 6 foot tall little boys and 12 year old girls on their periods everywhere… Continue reading The Coolest Flocking Flamingle Like EVER.