Humor, Witty Rants

Confessions of a Paper Clip Slayer

I consider myself to be a bit of an oddity. I am super fucking weird. Seriously, there are some quirks and things about me that make zero sense, whatsofuckenever. Take this ridiculous and wasteful habit of mines for instance: What the hell is that you say? Oh you know. A photo. That would be my… Continue reading Confessions of a Paper Clip Slayer

Humor, Lifestyle Rants, Parenting Rants, Witty Rants

The Results Are In. Facebook… You ARE The Mother

I don't know if it may be that Mother Nature is having a hormonal tantrum, or if perhaps global warming is to blame, or if there was like a catastrophic sperm-storm that hit every other uterus here in Miami and who knows where I was (thank God) but literally, I feel like I'm being ambushed… Continue reading The Results Are In. Facebook… You ARE The Mother

Humor, Letters, Witty Rants

Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: SuperCunt Stylist

Dearest SuperCunt Stylist; You don't know me. Not personally at least. We shared 15 minutes of mostly awkward time together and exchanged a few forced words that served to slay the dragon-sized silence that filled the space between us. But don't you worry because I'm confident that by the end of this letter you will… Continue reading Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: SuperCunt Stylist

Humor, In Which I List The Things, Witty Rants

Monday Confessionals (1): Bah Humbug

.....What are you even talking abo- oh just shut your fucking trap Susan seriously just shut it! NOT EVERYONE loves Christmas! Sure no one wants to be the dick who hates Shitmas I mean Christmas... like who WANTS people to assume they're related to Scrooge or The Grinch or Satan or Trump? No one Susan, that's who. Now… Continue reading Monday Confessionals (1): Bah Humbug

Humor, Letters, Relationship Rants, Witty Rants

Dear Irma;

Hey big momma!I see you girlfriend. Rest assured, the world sees you! You had a point to make, and listen honey- lord knows you're out here making your fucking point. You're one big, bad, crazy, scary bitch, I gotta give it to you! We are impressed, to say the least. Everyone is out here hating on you- ruthlessly… Continue reading Dear Irma;