...that cross my mind more often than I'm comfortable with. I swear I can't make this shit up. Well I could. But I wouldn't. That's not how I roll. Also? You can thank Paul because his genius "50 Thoughts" posts have inspired me ever since I started reading his blog so I guess this is… Continue reading 30 Mini Mental-Fuckeries
So I unintentionally started some "beef" (seriously haven't used that lingo since middle school and I have no idea why I'm using it now...but so what? You want beef too?!) between a friend of mines and an acquaintance of hers a couple of days ago. And there was cake involved. I started beef about cake.… Continue reading Slice of Beefcake, Anyone?
Emergency room "nurse": Hmm. When did this start? My actual arm the night I went to emergency room....there was more to it, but who wants pictures of this stuff? Sick fucks. 3-4 days ago, while I was out of the country in the Dominican Republic... they suggested I go to a hospital over there but...… Continue reading She Gives No Pox
It's past midnight here in Miami, which officially makes it Wednesday. So may I be the first to wish ya'll a happy Hump Day!? Do kids still say that? Meh. I'm a leader and a trend-re-setter anyways so fuck it. It stays. For the first time practically ever, I'm actually at a desk. In front… Continue reading Favorite Quotes Challenge- Day 1!
I consider myself to be a bit of an oddity. I am super fucking weird. Seriously, there are some quirks and things about me that make zero sense, whatsofuckenever. Take this ridiculous and wasteful habit of mines for instance: What the hell is that you say? Oh you know. A photo. That would be my… Continue reading Confessions of a Paper Clip Slayer
I don't know if it may be that Mother Nature is having a hormonal tantrum, or if perhaps global warming is to blame, or if there was like a catastrophic sperm-storm that hit every other uterus here in Miami and who knows where I was (thank God) but literally, I feel like I'm being ambushed… Continue reading The Results Are In. Facebook… You ARE The Mother
Dearest SuperCunt Stylist; You don't know me. Not personally at least. We shared 15 minutes of mostly awkward time together and exchanged a few forced words that served to slay the dragon-sized silence that filled the space between us. But don't you worry because I'm confident that by the end of this letter you will… Continue reading Little Letters To Astronomical Assholes: SuperCunt Stylist
.....What are you even talking abo- oh just shut your fucking trap Susan seriously just shut it! NOT EVERYONE loves Christmas! Sure no one wants to be the dick who hates Shitmas I mean Christmas... like who WANTS people to assume they're related to Scrooge or The Grinch or Satan or Trump? No one Susan, that's who. Now… Continue reading Monday Confessionals (1): Bah Humbug
Hey big momma!I see you girlfriend. Rest assured, the world sees you! You had a point to make, and listen honey- lord knows you're out here making your fucking point. You're one big, bad, crazy, scary bitch, I gotta give it to you! We are impressed, to say the least. Everyone is out here hating on you- ruthlessly… Continue reading Dear Irma;