Deep Rants, Humor, Witty Rants

This is NOT a Pandemic Mini-Rant. I Swear.

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I haven’t typed a single word since the end of October. October. Whoa. An entire 6  months. If you didn’t know my semi-bipolar ass any better, or should you not follow me on social media, you’d wonder if (judging by the content of my last post) well, you’d wonder if maybe I… never did find my light; You’d wonder if that tunnel swallowed me whole. Clearly, I survived. Because that’s what the fuck I do. I’m like a glorified middle-class 5 foot 2 Hispanic fucking Beyonce who snorts Cuban coffee and like, survives shit.

beyonce

Needless to say, October and some time prior to that, was a tough time for me. Rock-bottom kind of “tough”. In retrospect though, considering the shitload of problems the world is facing right now… I’m legit baffled by even the silhouette of those selfish thoughts and feels I was harboring. It doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s in my past and there’s enough to deal with now.

As far as the past 6 months go, well, SO MUCH has happened that I honestly haven’t worked up the courage to sit and spill my soul via my fingertips because where the fuck do I even begin, amid the pandemic and the sudden shift of life that hit us like a baseball striking a pigeon out of nowhere? Not to mention, I haven’t had the time energy to sit and read any blogs out of a natural fear that 98 percent of bloggers are writing storms about politics, conspiracies, pandemics, quarantines, and social distancing. I just know it. And Man. The news and the gossip on social media is SO exhausting and I don’t want to dwell on the topic anymore than I have to, you know? It gets boring. Like can I quarantine myself from the quarantine talk?!

BUT. Anyways. I’m here now, and I suppose I’ve earned my minute in the spotlight to give you some of my thoughts, without getting too serious about it. So…LOL @ the entire paragraph above where I was trying to seriously convince myself that I would NOT fall into this trap and end up writing about the very thing I said I would NOT write about. Just, LOL @ you, Ely.

So OK so this means I actually AM gonna rant about the pandemic. But you knew that. To be fair with my self, I’m actually going to be brief. Here goes. MINI-RANT: ACTIVATED. 

  • YES we are living a nightmare. A toned-down version of some scene from The Walking Dead. It is still surreal to me, having to be forced to wear a mask everywhere I go. Not being able to go to a park. Not being able to sit at the beach. Not being able to do the things I never did anyways but at least I had the fucking choice and option to do those things, and WHY is it now suddenly I want to do them all? It’s like an internal toddler tantrum. I WANNA DO IT only because you said NO! Damn it! You don’t fucking OWN me!
  • YES the Earth is finally getting what it deserves in the sense of “STOPPING” so that it can catch it’s fucking breathe and RECOVER a little bit even if that means sacrificing some of the humanity that’s been destroying it since the beginning of time anyways. Less pollution, less damage….Yea I said it. Fight me Karen. Don’t forget to remove yo weave first, bitch.  
  • YES social distancing sucks but let’s not be ignorant assholes here- some of us were already introverted anti-social sociopaths who DREADED the next invite to a phony fucking brunch that meant being forced to shop for a brand new outfit you would NEVER wear again only because you needed to stand out for some dumbass instagram-worthy mini-photo-shoot in some overpriced hole-in-the-wall that spent a super fucking SMART few extra bucks on an over-sized neon cursive sign placed centrally over a fake-grass wall  that says “Fuck me I’m drunk at 12 PM” (just made that up, and I expect a profit if you place this up in your spot) or “Living my BEST Life” or “I did it for the Gram” or whatever-the-stupid-fuck. Yea. You know. You got the feels with this bullet-point because I’m FUCKING RIGHT.
  • With that being said- with the exception of missing my closest friends, social distancing was my life regardless. So pffffft. Back. The. Fuck. Up. Pablo.

stayaway

  • YES. There continues to be, and therefore I continued to be as confused as ever…an ongoing toilet paper crisis. The alcohol, sanitizers, disinfectants, gloves, masks- I FUCKING GET IT GUYS! I get it! But I have yet to receive a single semi-logical explafuckingnation for the booty paper crisis. I don’t. I just don’t understand when people decided to begin fearing that cleaning their ASSES would become a worldwide problem. Talk about a bunch of assholes. Honestly it needs to STOP because I’ve gotten THIS close to just stealing toilet paper from whatever restroom I walk into ANYWHERE. I swear. I will just roll it all out and shove it in my bag. DO. NOT. TEMPT. ME.

TP

  • Can I just say this? I’m going to anyways. I don’t need fucking permission. YES. YES THIS VIRUS WAS PLANNED. Yessss. Conspiracy. YESSSS. Ruin the economy on purpose and Trump maybe loses the election. YES to the lab stories. Yes the numbers are probably ALL WRONG and fucked up! Yes to it all! Does any of that bullshit matter, though? Will arguing over all the what-ifs and maybes change ANYTHING? Nope. So I’ll just say this: FUCKING DEAL WITH IT, until we don’t have to deal with it anymore.
  • Also? To the incredibly stupid dumb bitches pretending to be bad asses on social media preaching about how we are being stripped of our rights as Americans and we should not comply to the government’s requests and how we should all say FUCK YOU VIRUS, and just go live our lives as if nothing: I wonder if maybe YOU, your grandparents, babies with asthma, or sick aunts with cancer should be the first ones to be the brave patriots who go and stand up for your rights and just GO! Go do everything we are being advised NOT to do- and then come back in a few months, and make sure to tell me all about how you couldn’t even hold the hand of your dying loved one in the hospital or have a proper normal burial or celebration of life for them… all for the sake of being a bad ass. Fuck you. Whatever this is- conspiracy or not- I’m not taking those chances. Don’t be so ignorant. You can’t win this silent war via your stupid Instagram story speeches. Stand down bro.

gggggg

  • One LAST thing. STOP complaining about being stuck at home. Stop complaining about being stuck with your kids and having to homeschool them and stay home with them all day etc. BITCH, you are the same one who was killing herself at work and complained constantly about NEVER having time to yourself or to be with your kids and play with them or to cook dinner or to do laundry- STOP IT, Karen. Use this time wisely and bond with your home and your kids and your family. Take bubble baths. Read that fucking book you never had time for. Play UNO and Monopoly with your family. Clean out your damn closets and cabinets. EMBRACE this time you may never have again! God you piss me off.

  WELP….That’s all I  got folks. 

BACJKJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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