Witty Rants

Hello Emotional Instability?… It’s Me… Ely. I Miss You.

These past few weeks.




Children of all ages?

(Here the fuck we go…let the circus of words begin!)

I Just have to tell you.

But first I just have to tell you that this isn’t a rap song or a poem. I’m just pacing myself here so that I can somehow try to effectively reflect this feeling that I have inside of me onto this post…

Is it working?


Ok then I’ll stop.

So extra.

I feel.




I said I’d stop that. I didn’t. That’s because I’m a delinquent. Arrest me. Charge me with reckless writing and a side of fucklessness to the umpteenth power. I fear nothing!

Ok enough. Listen. I feel SO clear-minded that it’s sort of actually pissing me off, because I really don’t have anything to rant about except the fact that I really REALLY want to need to rant about something! So I’m ranting about not ranting until I find something to rant about…TA-DAAA!

That makes no sense. I KNOW.

Level with me. We spend our lives trying desperately to live peacefully and drama-free right? But no. NOPE. Not me. I somehow manage to thrive off of my own drama. It’s a love-hate thing. Like I wanna bitch about all the things but then I’m mostly bitching about how I can’t find my inner peace. My life is a toxic merry-go-round of self-inflicted fuckery!

These past few weeks, I keep coming in and out of WordPress, trying desperately to not only write, but to also catch up with all my friends here and I can’t seem to accomplish neither or- because my brain is fogged by the fact that my brain is so clear. Oh dear.

E is running on E.

Honestly? I blame the complete turn-around I’ve made with my lifestyle for this sudden and awkward sense of unwanted fucking mental bliss.

If you haven’t heard, this marks my 5th week of inexplicably healthy living. It’s been tough. So I’m super damn proud of myself because this is the single biggest health related accomplishment ever!

And because I don’t particularly like the whole “good for you girl!” type of attention, I really try not to sweat it or talk about it because how boring. Seriously. No one gives a fuck about your dieting ventures, and lifestyle changes lady. But I guess on the blog it’s ok. Because you can’t roll your eyes in front of my face or make me sit there and listen to your dieting expert opinions in exchange. This is about me ok? Only me. Let me live.

Boasting session: I’ve lost around 3 inches all around, about 10 pounds of fat, and all the stress, anxiety, anger, depression, and just overall bitchiness is pretty much gone. I mean. My resting bitch face is alive and well. But I feel emotionally weightless right now.

And I don’t like it.

Like I could care less about a cunt in a Camry cutting me in line at a drive-thru.

Or about a cunt stylist who half-ass cuts my hair.

I feel like nothing and no one can really faze me, yo. I feel good..

Tuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh… what!?!? Ok fine.

But even still, this urge to just write. To write anything. It’s eating me alive from the inside out.

For what it’s worth I’ve really been going HAM on my cakes and concentrated on my sugar-hustle.

Have you seen my latest work on IG?! If not, here it is!!

Boasting session #2:

I know. Amazing right?! Thank you!

I guess feeling weightless and clear-minded can be good for my sanity. I can focus with much more ease now…. but being sane is such an extraterrestrial thing for me. All this positivity might just drive me insane. Hopefully!

Annnnnddd this was by far, probably my most boring post ever and I apologize! I need someone to seriously piss me off or something and I hope it happens soon enough for me to come back and rant about it!

Otherwise, maybe I’ll share some cake knowledge on the blog. Or something! Help me be bitchy again, Universe! Damn you!

Love you all dearly!!!! Thank you for being better friends than most “real life” people out here. I’m so grateful for the blogging community, seriously. You’re all the best.

27 thoughts on “Hello Emotional Instability?… It’s Me… Ely. I Miss You.”

  1. To the contrary, terribly entertaining AND inspiring! Good on you, girl. Especially given the fact you bake!! The willpower is legit and commendable. So, you rant away. For we unruly types who like the stir things up a bit (batter included) have to keep things interesting. Sometimes dramatic is just how it has to be. ;o)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know you hate it but congrats on the healthy living!!

    Posts ideas: why do food prep videos only have 4 meals at the end on Pinterest? Do people only go to work 4 days out of the week?! What is happening?!

    And: why can’t people shovel their sidewalks? I know this isn’t a Florida problem but it’s a me problem right now: apparently in Toronto you don’t get fined if you don’t shovel the sidewalk in front of your house after a snowfall. Which means I’m left walking on the road or trudging through knee high snow. Boths makes for angry me.

    Two good rants for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m all in for a cake knowledge post. Or a post that documents how you make a cake from scratch, complete with time stamps like “It’s 12:34am, a cat scream outside and I’m internally screaming.” “1:38am – I DROPPED AN EGG”. Or not, if you hate this idea haha

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Fucking love you. I’m also proud of your healthiness. You’re lovely even without a bitchy rant. The cakes are fabulous, and I’d love a post about that too. All your posts are gold, rants or not. 😘😊

    Liked by 1 person

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