Health/Beauty/Fitness/Dieting Rants, Humor, Witty Rants

What The Health Is Goin’ On Here?!


If you’re wondering if I’m THIS obnoxious in person, the answer is YES, yes I am.

And if you’re wondering if this post is going to be a rant about that documentary “What the Health?” the answer is no, no it’s not.

But since I’m already in so deep anyways, let me just say that I saw the damn thing like, 2 months ago which was basically a century after the rest of the world had already seen it, became severely and temporarily mortified by 99% of all food, and became drastically overcommitted vegans and herbivores or whatever for a few weeks until the hype blew over. Which is what the food industry figured would happen anyways, by the way.

Now. For the sake of keeping it real-considering that I am the CEO of real- do you think McDonald’s was genuinely feeling threatened by the information revealed in this documentary or that they were in any way feeling shook that just maybe, now that ‘Merica knows all these dirty little secrets their sales would abruptly plunder and doom them? Do you think that the food industry top dogs were shivering in fear that this documentary would scare Americans away from consuming the foods they’ve already been consuming their whole damn lives anyways? Yea no. I think not.

I wasn’t really moved by it either. It’s pretty unrealistic… especially if we really start to tell ourselves that we can’t EVEN eat fucking fruit or vegetables because those are just as toxic as everything else. I mean, what is left at that point? What are we supposed to do with the kind of information that legit leads us to a dead end street with no place to go? You’re telling me no matter how healthy I think I’m eating, I’m not. And I’m probably going to have cancer. And there’s no hope. Ok great. Fuck you and thanks, ‘Merica.

Annnnd just like that I ended up with a 3 paragraph rant about the thing I said I was NOT going to rant about, in sentence number 1.

Fantastic. Let’s move on shall we?

Let’s start this off continue this rant with what I actually meant to bitch about which was the whole, “New Year New Me” nonsense. Here’s the thing. This is a new year and I also, want to achieve a new me! I’m no exception to the trend but at least I started my legit fitness and nutrition journeys (not a DIET) way before the new year kicked in. And I did it on purpose. I wanted to break that bullshit cycle where people feel the need to wait for the new year or a Monday to “start”.

First of all that needs to stop. Can you not?! Like if you want to do something and you have a serious goal, just do it. Don’t think your results will be any better because the date changed or because a new week began, dude… just fucking do YOU.

Every single day is a new opportunity to start from scratch. It’s all in the mind, and we all know this is true! Why we still allow ourselves to become overpowered by the vicious cycle of “there’s always tomorrow” is beyond me.

Yea. There’s always tomorrow. Until there’s not. We have one life guys. ONE. Every single day that passes us, is gone forever and we will never get that time back. Why tomorrow?! Why. Not. Now?! What’s the fucking hold up?

Oh my goodness I’m a motivational speaker writer! I’m possessed! Someone call a priest! Bring the raging bitch back! This delusional inspirational psychopath needs an exorcism pronto!

Look I don’t judge. Just a month ago, I was sluggish and at my all time low physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually all the “-lly”but I refuse to be a part of that statistic that gives up by February. I’m in this for the long run. I’m aware my dream body won’t happen magically overnight. Or maybe ever. But at least I can aim for my best body, you know?

With that said- just few more things I’d like to shed off my mind (would prefer to shed it off my ass but..)

  • I DO NOT CARE what the fuck new hip and totally scientifically proven diet you’re doing that is supposedly working miracles on the scale for you. Keto. Military. Fasting. Carb cycling. Weight watchers. Atkins. I don’t want to hear about it anymore. Let me live. Don’t complicate my life. I’ll do what works for me, damn it.
  • You wanna know what REALLY fucking works like long term and leads to a realistically healthy fit lifestyle? Eating cleaner, more consistent meals and actually putting in some physical work. It’s pretty damn classic. Calories in versus calories out. It’s just facts. But I won’t preach the basics. Go do your keto. Live your life.
  • You are what you eat. Eat more often. Speed up your metabolism. Work out. HAVE PATIENCE AND DO NOT GIVE UP. That’s basic too. I don’t for the life of me understand people who starve themselves to lose weight. It’s quite the opposite actually…
  • Eat healthy foods you enjoy, and don’t hate your life while doing it. I’m not a pro, but I’m so happy and clear minded and energized right now I could scream at the top of a mountain peak. Why? Because I don’t stress food. I eat when I need to and I see my food as fuel now, not as a reward or a punishment or a pleasurable thing that’s supposed to sweep me off my feet and leave me in a food coma. I’m just not a “foodie” and that has made this process so tolerable.
  • For the record, I lost 5 solid pounds and 1.5 inches in the first 14 days of eating clean and working out. I wrote EVERY SINGLE thing I ate down. It’s been 4 weeks now and my body just asks for food like clockwork every 3 hours I’m eating something and I don’t even need to write it anymore. It’s happening naturally! I’m less bloated, less fatigued, more confident and just better.

I know I may sound like one of these really annoying fitness freaks but I’m still me! I’m still a raging glittery bitch I promise! I just found another thing to add to my long ass list of “things I’m passionate about” and I’d like to share my journey with you guys!

Cheers to 4 weeks of healthy living!

17 thoughts on “What The Health Is Goin’ On Here?!”

  1. My opinion, as someone who actually studies nutrition and plans to start a career in dietetics, is thus:
    Diets like Keto or Paleo are really good for short-term “training” of healthier eating habits. Example, I am a big ol’ sugar addict. Sticking to a diet that eliminates all sugar from my diet, including the glucose created by my body when I eat non-sugar carbohydrates, is a great way to kick that addiction. But, if you’re not the type of person who eats a pound of pasta in sugar-loaded marinara sauce, then has half a bag of Oreos for dessert, like me, a low-carb diet probably won’t make a huge difference for you after the initial shedding of all that water weight.
    You hit the nail on the head: Just do what works for you. Everyone’s body processes things differently based on any number of factors from genetics to culture to just straight up building tolerances to certain foods. Some people can’t handle a lot of carbs and it makes their insulin spike and results in weight gain. Some people don’t process fatty meats very well. More than 3/4 of the world’s population cannot eat cheese. There is no one-stop-shop for getting healthy.
    And don’t even get me started on the fact that healthy LOOKS different for everyone and cannot be measured by something like weight or BMI.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I couldn’t agree with you anymore girl, ESPECIALLY with that very last sentence! You wouldn’t even believe the type of shit people say! “What do you mean you’ve?? You’ve ONLY lost 8 pounds in 5 weeks?! You could lose 15 in the same time! What are you eating?!” And I stay standing there like ummm well, first of all… I’m eating 6 times per day, and not starving myself.
      I’m just eating seriously healthy and by the way? When you incorporate training, you don’t shed as many pounds! Asshole.
      And then I get the whole: why are you lifting weights you’re gonna get big! NO sir. Light weights. More reps. Who are you again?! Lifting doesn’t mean “look like a man” and I hate that misconception people have!!! Should I go on with the confusion about MY body type?! I am CUBAN. I was born with thick thighs and thin patience..
      And also? 1: I don’t WANT to be what everyone thinks is “skinny” I just want to feel amazing in my clothes… not bloated… not ashamed to wear a white tank top and jeans!
      2: my husband HAS NEVER liked “skinny” girls and his is the only real opinion that matters to me.

      I could be here all day. Some people are so fucking ignorant.

      Thanks for this amazing response. You’re so bright and resourceful. Xoxoxo!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay, first, I just lost my shit at “I was born with thick thighs and thin patience.” That’s brilliant. You should put that on a t-shirt, I’m not even kidding.
        Personally, I would like to bulk up. I’ve always thought muscular women were really attractive and honestly the idea of being able to crush a man’s head with my thighs is very appealing. She-Hulk is low-key my idol. XD
        And really, feeling good about yourself is the best motivation! I think it’s great that you’re not worried about being “skinny” (which is a relative term anyway) but just worried about feeling comfortable in your own skin. Doing it for yourself is the best way to stick with it, because it’s really easy to be like, “Man, fuck all these other people’s opinions!” or “Other people really don’t care that much about what I look like,” but when you’re like, “I don’t like feeling bloated like this,” you can’t really shake that off.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. AMEN!!! And lol at she hulk being your “low key” idol LOL!!! That’s an amazing goal! You see how different we all are?!
        Like just do YOU boo-boo, right?! I love this talk! You just made me wanna bust some Squats mid-cake baking LOL!
        PS- the shirt exists. I looked it up LMAO but I want one! It’s on my list now!!! (Just when you think you’re creative, someone already thought shit up. Eyeroll!) Xoxo!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ohhhhh I remember watching the first 20 minutes of that What The Health documentary last year before turning it off and going to sleep. It made me think the only way to eat healthy is to not eat at all. Every single food had a problem, according them. Should we all just become cows and eat grass all day and provide milk for someone else BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT KILLS US. (I think they said that, maybe not, I’m going for dramatic effect here). Anyways, I’m glad what you’re doing is working for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was seriously the worst documentary ever. But we ain’t shook. And LOL, dramatic effect achieved!!! Thanks Paul! I’m doing the damn thing!


    1. LOL I always think about that too! Big events are always so damn motivating! I guess for me it’s SUMMER in Miami! But I’ve always done crash diets a few days before a beach event in prayer id look like a bikini model but LOL …fail!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol! I’m such a fan, ever since Happy Gilmore (that’s the first one I ever saw and then I saw them all
        Well most of them) I support his work regardless. But wait, Blended was amazing. The Week of? Such a disappointment. Still love him! Lol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t think I’ve genuinely liked an Adam Sandler movie since 50 First Dates. I’ve seen several since then, but haven’t been impressed. Unless you count Spanglish. Fantastic movie… though I don’t really think of that as an Adam Sandler movie.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Lol agreed! It was out of his “character”
        But a good one! Also? Blended. I don’t care. I love him and Drew Barrymore. Why didn’t they get married???!!!? Why?! Lol

        Liked by 1 person

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