Well then! Welcome back ladies and gen-
Oh you are just too much…thank you, thank you- you guys are just phenomenal! What a crowd! Love this energy! This is what it’s all about! You feel that? That’s adrenaline people! Yeaaaa!!! Wooooo! Ok let’s keep it together here. Gotta get this show goin..
Welcome back to the zero-fucks weekly segment that we over at FoxNone Productions, like to call “WTF-IS-ON-YO-MIND-WEDNESDAYS”, where your host, that would be me :::insert corny chuckle::: “The Fox” comes at ya with shameless in-yo face-rants, vents and bullet-point bitchings about everything and well, nothing!
Let’s get right to this folks there’s so much to rant about and so little time!
:::clears her throat:::
- Is it just me? Or are there any other decentish people out there who hardcore judge anyone who chooses to purchase brand new, shiny, poop-brown-colored cars? It never fails. Every single time I spy with my little eyes a poop-brown car I’m all like old people. For sure. They probably request that all their guests remove their shoes at the doorstep before entering their perfectly polished wood-floored homes. Grandma wears legit pearls and grandpa owns this old school yellow-gold Rolex watch he’s had for decades. Their kids went to a decent university-one is a lawyer and one is a banker- and their grandkids go to private schools- they’re just alright. I’m not impressed. They eat at steak houses and their teeth are natural. For sure. So annoying. Why couldn’t they just buy a white or black or even a burgundy car. I’m not a fan of burgundy cars either but hey- it beats poop-brown.
- Have you ever said a word, any word, so many times back to back that it gets to the point where you actually question if you’re saying the word correctly or if it even exists? Try it. Just start saying the word dyslexic over and over again and- oh. You weren’t supposed to do that in public. Oh dear. You poor thing…
- The Mega whatever lottery here is breaking history in the U.S. at 800 million plus dollars. I actually find myself really stressed out when people start talking about what they would do with that kind of money. Which means my neck gets all blotchy with red hickey-like marks all over and the edges of my ears start to feel like they’re on fire and I’m a huge flusterfuck. So I try not to allow my mind to levitate to those heights. Because coming down from that cloud is so hard. Reality is a bitch-slap. Straight to the face. With an iron chair. Like I hope I win. But I’d have to play in order to win. And the fact is, I’m more likely to get struck by lightening 1,000 times in my lifetime than to win the lottery. Seriously. I can’t even get through to a radio station to win tickets to Disney on Ice for my kids. Luck is not a thing in my life. Luck. Fitness. Jesus. Rational thinking. Clean vocabulary. Savings accounts. Paired, matching socks. Nope times 7.
- 33 is no longer an appropriate age for dancing like it’s a middle school booty dancing contest. Yes. Booty dancing was a middle school thing and I’m not sure how the adults in our lives allowed us to even listen to Uncle Al and Uncle Luke. Perhaps they were thrown off thinking they were uncles and their music would be OK somehow but I question if literally every single adult in my life back then was high on something. Or whether they really just didn’t give a fuck. Anyhow. You’ll know that booty music should stay a thing of your past as soon as the song Scrub The Ground comes on and you find yourself literally on all fours on the floor. With a scrub in your hand. Scrubbing the ground clean in a circular motion. That’s when you know your youth has officially disintegrated. It’s over doll.
- I’m having cosmetic surgery in 8 days. While it’s none of anyone’s business- I just want to say that I’m not selfish and that I am a mom first and if I die for such a stupid, unnecessary reason- I need my kids to know that they meant more than the stars and the moon and the seas and the entire universe to me and mommy just wanted to feel pretty, and it was innocent and even a bit out of my character. Obviously it’s not worth it, if I die at least. But it’s just something I’ve wanted for a while and well- it’s happening. And it’s pretty routine and I have zero medical history so if I die, it was just my time and it probably meant I was going to die at some given point for some given reason, sooner than expected. But I’m not going to die. Right? Right. Ok I admit I am getting cold feet. Or boobs? Cold boobs? Ok I’ve said too much. Also- was this like a goodbye bullet-point?! I can’t with myself.
- You know what bothers me about a “HUGE BLOWOUT SALE” at a department store? The fact that it’s bullshit. Oh look!!! This perfume is 78% off! YESSS!!! Score!!!!! Except that when I proceed to check the price tag it’s 78% off of 765$ and I just bought the same exact perfume last month at regular price for 40$. So someone the fuck explain to me how I’m still paying quadruple the original price even though it’s being advertised at 78% off?! It’s the system mindfucking us without cerebral condoms.
Well. I think we’ve had enough for today boys and girls!
You’ve been a wild crowd I tell you!!! I can’t wait to be back and share WTF is on my mind next Wednesday! Please be sure to share WTF is on YO mind! We can’t wait to hear all the fuckeries happening out there!