Witty Rants

Hello, Summer!

This post is purely an excuse to (further) show off my first cake for the summer of 2018! I mean am I kidding myself right now?! Look at this masterpiece! I did this! Me! What?! Somebody pinch me! How did I get this far?! And even still, I have so much to improve on and so much to learn and so many more risks and challenges await me in the future, but for right now, I’m kind of in love with myself!

I can’t help but to keep thinking, “way to go kid! What better way to start the summer than with a Minion Luau cake!?” Genius idea on behalf of my beautiful customers! I’m so grateful to have been given this design opportunity and that I was trusted enough to be given full creative freedom with it as well. Creative freedom on a design is like a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. It’s like taking a caged endangered and exotic bird and setting it free.

Creative freedom means so much to me that I have actually had to turn down work based on my 6th sense to identify a way-too-intense, way-too-particular customer who expects me to replicate someone else’s design down to the tiniest of details yet also has something to say about my prices. I do not play well with people who expect too much with too little in return. I’m sorry but I just can’t work under those levels of pressure. Not to mention, I make myself very clear when I tell anyone who wants cake, that I WILL NOT fully replicate another artist’s work. My designs have to contain that me factor that makes it my work and I think it’s only fair to respect that.

As an artist I come to life when I have that certain amount of freedom and I’m confident all artists of all angles can agree. I’m a wild creature of the lonely dark night and the beast rises as the moments unravel and present themselves. That was pretty dramatic. I can only guess you had visions of a baker transforming into a huge slobbery ware-wolf with an apron and a whisk in her paws. And now all I can think of is how the words “baker” and “slobbery” should never ever be in the same sentence. My bad.

The visions were just flowing through me like ocean waves of inspiration for this theme though and can’t you just tell I had a blast putting this together?! I really did. I wanted the top sandy buttercream tier to resemble one of those zen sandboxes with the tiny rakes- don’t pretend you’ve never owned one of those. Don’t hide them. It’s too late. Well you know how the sand looks when you brush it with the tiny rake right? Yea you know. That’s what I was going for. And I obviously wanted the bottom tier to represent ocean waves- which is one of my favorite things to create with fondant. There’s just something so perfectly imperfect about ocean waves that is forgiving and always celestial.

Come to think of it, I haven’t done ocean waves in over a year!

But back to this Luau design, the only regret that I have about this cake was the fact that I didn’t have enough torso space on the minion to add a coconut bra as planned in my original sketch.

What? Why are you looking at me like that?! Look I never said I was good at drawing ok. I do sketches just to draft ideas… whatever. Fight me.

It bothers me actually, a lot, that I had to drop the bra. I mean the minion ain’t complaining! I wouldn’t be either because all us women wanna do when we get home after a long day is drop the fucking bra but hey, this was for an event and I was afraid of publicly humiliating it!

But then I stopped to consider two things: 1) the minion never once stopped smiling which indicates that he or she? was never really bothered by the whole no-bra-dilemma to begin with! So fresh! And 2- thinking back to the world of minions- I don’t recall any minions ever wearing bras or tops for that matter! So while we aren’t too sure if this Hawaiian minion is a he or a she, I think it never even mattered to begin with! They’re all mini-yellow-nudists with zero fucks to give!

Also? Let’s flip the scripts and assume I’m promoting equality and love so you know? Gender is irrelevant. Never mind the identity crisis. I’m spreading a positive message. You’re welcome LGBT community and you’re welcome, parents of 2 year olds across the globe.

I’m here to provide cake, and knees-deep-in-buttercream life changing lessons at no extra charge.

Mental note: Or maybe there should be an extra charge…..

17 thoughts on “Hello, Summer!”

  1. Show off girl cause you got mad skills and there’s nothing wrong with being proud of yourself! You’ve come a long way but you’ve been talented since the beginning and I love that you are picky about your clients and what they want! It’s just another way to protect yourself from people who really don’t think things through very well…in other words, IDIOTS!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw well those homemade cakes are from your heart and they will mean the world to them forever. You can’t compare something from the heart to something more “materialistic” even though I’d do it for them from the heart too! But still. Not the same thing!

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    1. Yes! Being anti-idiot is a major must. Dude I get some ridiculous people come to me with ridiculous expectations lol I just weed them out and move on. Thank you prima your words mean so much and I admire you. Love you!!!

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  2. Gah! Every time you post a cake, it makes me really miss when I did cake decorating. But, it takes time, money, and space I don’t have. *sigh*

    Also, fuck people who want you to exactly replicate someone else’s work. It’s rude to you as an artist (“I don’t want YOUR work”), and it’s rude to the original creator of the design (“I don’t want to pay what YOU expect”). If you want the cake that person did, go ask that person! Ugh! The worst.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes yes ALL the damned yesssses. Lol! Girl it is SO expensive…. it’s taken me 3 years to even make a minimally decent profit and 3 years to know my worth and stop killing myself for a loss! Knowing my worth and standing my ground with pricing has been my greatest challenge but I’m getting there FINALLY. I’d love to see your work!!!

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  3. Your cakes just get better and better which is pretty unbelievable since they’re all outstanding, like 43 stars out of 10. I imagine someday you’ll make like a mini cake village or something. The sky (or in this case the top of the fridge) is the limit! Also, I just realized that minions wear pants and no shirt, while Donald Duck wears a shirt and no pants. WHAT is going on with these cartoons?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have no idea how it took me 2 day to respond to this but my dog ate my homework and I was stuck in traffic and I also had the flu. I hope those are good enough! Lol! 43 out of 10 stars is like- WHOA. Huge compliment! And “The Fridge is the limit” I love that! And I agree! These cartoons are WILD!!! They need their own little nudist private beach! Lol!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. HAHA I was thinking they need a bath robe but a nudist private beach also works I guess hahah. Hope they like sand in their crevices…..what am I saying. You’re great at making cakes ok bye!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. omg this is perfect!!

    I actually like it a lot more with the flowers on the grass skirt instead of the bra. The bra would have looked a bit cramped and as it is, it just looks uh-maaaaazing! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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