I made it. I made it to day 3! Look at me! I’m a friggin’ PRO at this challenge stuff, eh? Thanks for challenging me Paul, I wasn’t really sure I’d get through this one but I needed another reason to sit in my new office and get in my zone so here I am!
I’d like to say that today has been yet another rainy day here in Miami, but don’t fret- I won’t be word-bombing you with any over-the-top religious hysteria tonight. Especially since I’m sorta regretting that post now that I’ve come to my senses a full 24 hours later but you know, it happened. I just wish I could repress the beast sometimes but every time I try to silence or calm her, I start to lose myself all over again. It’s almost as if she’s my emotional compass in life. This is about survival for me.
The writer in me is fifty shades of fucked up and there’s no healing that. It’s like this open wound that’s never going to close and the blood pours of out of my pores in the form of words that are all clogged and clumped and messy and in dark gorgeous hues of deep reds that permanently stains whatever it touches. And permanent stains tend to piss people off. So it’s all very complex you see. It’s a win-lose. I’m feeling like- the more I grow and the more I open up as a writer- the more freedom I will finally begin to experience in life but it will be a very lonely freedom. Vulnerability will not come without a cost which can ultimately mean that I’ll never actually get anywhere by being true to myself.
It’s disappointing to feel this way because we are living in the “keep it 100”, “stay true to yourself”, “be unique and fearless” era but it’s almost just all talk sometimes. Do people actually want everyone to be 100 percent authentic and raw like that? I don’t know. But either way, I don’t know how to be anything else other than this. And I won’t become a puppet for the sake of a few more followers or popularity on a blogging platform. I’m sticking to my guns.
It’s so much more than just writing at this point and I hate feeling guilty about what I choose to say- which is everything- but there will be brighter days and this too shall pass.
With that said- here’s my final quote for this challenge:
And if these amazing humans will accept the challenge, I choose:
Thanks for listening! I hope all the mommy-writers out there had a phenomenal Mother’s Day today.