It’s past midnight here in Miami, which officially makes it Wednesday. So may I be the first to wish ya’ll a happy Hump Day!? Do kids still say that? Meh. I’m a leader and a trend-re-setter anyways so fuck it. It stays.
For the first time practically ever, I’m actually at a desk. In front of a real life-size computer. In my very own little boss-lady-cave-office which I am anxious to show off but not yet, not yet! Also? I’m not blogging from my smartphone during my commute to work in the morning. So that’s a plus because it means my chances of killing myself right now are slim to none. Thanks Paul for pointing that out and for caring about my well being! I mean honestly, I think I’ve got the whole texting and driving thing down packed but then again so did a bunch of currently dead people. So yea. I need to stop that foolishness. I admit it.
Oh! Paul! How rude of me.
Everyone? Meet Paul. He’s the boss over at The Captain’s Speech. What? You already follow him? Well duh. WHO DOESN’T! The guy is pure freakin’ genius! He’s got it all, so if you’re not over there inhaling his soul and exhaling his awesomeness and showing love then you better be too busy shoving a bottomless box of pizza down your throat because that’s about the only excuse he’d ever deem acceptable! (Please be sure it’s pizza. He’s never tried tacos. And he doesn’t want to taco-bout it either).
So! Paul chose me to participate in this 3 day favorite quote challenge…thanks friend! But before I get to this there’s something slightly irrelevant to this post that I really need to get off my chest
(and it’s not my bra). I was nominated for the Mystery Blogger Award THREE times and I have yet to come around to responding! I feel guilty about this but I think I’m just overwhelmed with glee and giddiness and also, the 30+ questions I need to go back and write down in order to answer properly have put some pressure on me. But I just want those who nominated me to know, that I am not going to let them down because I appreciate them all! I’m on it! It’s on! Like Donkey Kong! Or something?
Now. Here is my favorite quote for day 1 of this challenge:
“Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide.” – D.W. Winnicott
First of all, I have zero fucking clue who D.W. Winnicott is, but as per my extensive Wikipedia research, he was a well known pediatrician and psychoanalyst who apparently had some childhood and mommy issues. Which is great, because I need a psychoanalyst and I also had childhood and mommy issues. Except he’s dead. So the only thing he’s good for right now was this quote. I recently posted this quote on the ‘gram and you know what? I post quotes pretty often, but this has to be one of the most authentic quotes I’ve ever read in my entire life. I instantly just connected to it. I felt it pierce through my soul.
Everything about this quote is just…me. I’m an artist (I’m finally comfortable saying that) and I am constantly stuck in between worlds and in between moods and in between my own mixed up versions of reality or what it’s supposed to look like. I’m an introvert who wants to be a social happy-go-lucky butterfly and really wants to go do brunch with new friends and old friends and pick up awesome conversations with strangers in coffee shops but yet- nothing. It’s like I want to climb mountains but I want to climb them from inside my home. I want to conquer the world while in hiding if that makes any sense.
It’s like I can only seem to envision this outgoing and friendly version of myself but I can’t for the life of me, physically become her. Yet catch me on social media or on my blog and you’d think that’s exactly who I am: Ms. Social Fucking Butterfly who is for sure missing a few screws and has zero fears and lets nothing hold her back. Ugh. If only you understood the extent of the struggle.
I avoid human contact at all costs. I’m that asshole who turns off the television and sits on the couch in silence pretending to be asleep or not home at all when someone shows up and knocks on my door unannounced. Like WHO even does that! Fucking text me (never call me) because I will NOT answer my door if I’m not mentally prepared to deal with anyone and I don’t care who you are. Unless you’re here to pay me, or feed me. Then maybe. But still- I need time to process these things.
I have my moments where I make all these plans and I want to get up and out and into the world but that only lasts as long as my caffeine high does, and so I
typically always end up cancelling plans and wrapping myself up in a blanket-burrito to watch The Voice or to write about what an asshole I am and how I must be a bipolar introvert with a unicorn complex. Basically, that means I’m a moody, antisocial person who’s also a glittery, rare creature that maybe doesn’t even exist. You totally got that. I know it.
I don’t think this was meant to transform into a rant- but what else am I good for right? So thanks for listening and please- if you’re out there- you bipolar introvert unicorns from Hell- reveal yo-selves!
And Now I choose..
Follow these ladies! That is obviously a given! If you don’t well- you can’t sit with us!
PS: I felt like these were SO accurate and relevant and needed to be shared (even though I’m kind of “over” the whole labeling myself as an introvert thing, it’s still all very much true):