Word for word. That’s how I graced the subject line of the e-rant that I just electronically shipped to the manager of the gym where my son has been receiving mixed martial arts training for the past 3 months.You already know that this title was well fucking calculated. I’m sure this guy gets TONS of emails. I needed to shine. I needed to get a point across and I needed this subject line to 3D-style punch him in the throat as soon as he opened his flooded inbox. I wanted blood.
I guess I could’ve said READ THIS FUCKING EMAIL, YOU MALFUNCTIONING ASSHOLE- but it probably would have ended up in his junk or spam inbox. Much like WordPress often chooses to dispose of my nonsense over-emotional commenting. Seriously, fuck you guys. I know that I’ll never end up on your Most Popular Blogger list or whatever but listen here- my comments are ALL meaningful and real no matter how little sense they make to you and ya’ll just throw me to the gutter of crap-words. RACISTS. I’ll deal with you later though.
Anyhow. I really wanted to keep this letter powerful, professional, and educated while still managing to say FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! NO ONE FUCKS WITH MY KID without actually saying FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! NO ONE FUCKS WITH MY KID.
So you already know I’m fuming angry. And you already know that my email was the length of a Ken Follett novel (holy shit those books are long) and that I was careful to ensure that every single word written, was felt. Like a million little pinches on that sensitive little extra underarm fat? Ouch baby. Ouch.
So here’s the unedited letter that I actually sent. I’m sure if I re-wrote this a few times it would be display-worthy in some Complaint-Emails-Hall-of-Fame, but this was just how it came out and it’s how it stayed.I’m sharing this because it would be a sad waste of well-written words and real human emotion if only this one sac of orange starbursts gets to ever read it.
PSA: No one eats orange starbursts… they’re meant to be stereotyped, isolated, and tossed away with the eggshells and the leftover Italian from last week. And if you happen to eat them please don’t ruin my corny metaphors. Thanks fam.
Good morning Kevin.
I contacted FFA this morning, and was told that you are essentially the person in charge. I hope that I’m writing to the correct person.
My name is Ely. A few months ago my husband and I decided to look around at some local gyms for MMA style training for our 6 year old son, Jose (Joey Gomez). My brother used to train here and had told me good things, and my stepdaughter’s mom, is also a member there with your boot-camp, and had also recommended we take our little one there.
We brought him in for a few minutes of a one-on-one trial (before discussing any details) with what ended up being your sales-guy, I forget his name. But by the time he threw his first trial-punch… my son was clearly already committed so we knew we’d be signing up. At least we had high hopes.
Your sales guy then took us into an office to talk business. Great. Super up-beat, typical sales guy who knew all the right things to say and clearly, what NOT to say. He walked us through our options, and had us sold. He gave us the numbers, (I believe we were paying 160$ monthly, after having paid a deposit) and we signed a 6 month contract at the rate that we had just been quoted. That is just about ALL that was discussed. Schedules and money. We got uniform and gloves, called it a day and Joey started a few days later.
Little Joey has been training there for 3 months. Since his first day, we knew he’d advance/learn quickly. He has the character for it, and he REALLY loved everything about it. He’s disciplined, listens, and grapples like a little beast and well, whatever he’s my kid. Of course he’s amazing right? The other coaches have all thrown little comments at us too- about how great he is and how he has a future in this…and everyone has been so motivating for him, honestly- it’s been awesome.
Just last weekend it was time for the big belt test after 3 months and FINALLY- because man- this kid has NOT SHUT UP about the BLUE TEAM, the BLUE TEAM… he wanted to be on the BLUE team since his first day. He’s been a pain in my ass about the blue team and FINALLY he can move to the blue team. We were given the paperwork, which simply gave us the scheduled time for testing and etc.…fantastic. He was pumped and we were even more pumped.
When he tested, and passed…oh my goodness. We didn’t hear the end of it. HE WAS SO EXCITED. So were WE! And then we got hit with a bomb by the same guy who sold us a 6 MONTH CONTRACT only 3 months ago about “changes”. We figured something was up but didn’t stress it much. Not to your surprise, but for sure to OUR surprise… in order for him to actually advance to the blue team, we had to put another down payment of CLOSE to 300$ AND our monthly rate would now go up to 200$ per month.
WHAT!? Who PAYS that? I’m sure many, many people. Clearly. But really. That’s just unreasonable.
So essentially…the belt test meant nothing. Essentially, the true test was on our bank account and not on our child’s skill level or his passion. We should have known better. Except we didn’t because no one had the DECENCY to explain this to us before our child became so ridiculously excited about his belt test to advance to the next level. NO ONE HAD THE COMMON HUMAN COURTESY to have warned us… before getting his hopes that high. What a fail.
Listen I’m not here to waste your time. But if this wasn’t a big deal to us, I wouldn’t be writing to you. It’s a big deal. This is not only beyond unprofessional… it’s unreasonable. It’s sad and it is DISRESPECTFUL to me as an educated grown woman and to a father who has to let his son down because sorry buddy, they T-boned us and basically, tricked us towards getting you so committed that we’d basically be forced to say yes. Right?
Wrong. Things don’t work like that. Not really. Not in the real world.
I’m not an idiot. I know losing one child won’t so much as leave a tiny dent on your finances. Let’s be real here. I know you honestly, don’t give a shit about my kid. But the fact is, the manner in which you are handling this, is unethical and I think people deserve better. You’re living in a real world where people are making HUGE sacrifices so that their kids can be involved in sports and activities that will help keep them out of trouble… and help build their social skills and their self-esteem.
In the real world, it’s not that simple for everyone to dish out more money whenever you deem it appropriate or necessary. I’ve called several other gyms who have assured me that they do not function like this and that their rates, are their rates regardless of skill level or belt color.
I’m not suggesting you’re incompetent or that you can’t run a competitive business effectively. I get it. You’re a huge gym. You made it. I’m simply suggesting that monetary growth shouldn’t always overshadow compassion. You have to be more informative. You have to be better than this. You have to stay human. You have to stay authentic.
I’m livid, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the type to keep quiet. Truth be told we were caught off-guard. We were basically lied to from the get-go and we are torn up to see our little boy crying and asking why he can’t be with his friends on the blue side now. He’ll get over it, granted, but we are young super hard-working parents who take great pride in making sure our kids are happy and this doesn’t sit well with us.
Our finances are clearly not your problem. So please, rest assured that I’m not here to beg for financial mercy nor to cry about the bills that we all have. We are not special nor an exception to society. The fact of the matter is, that it’s NOT EVEN so much about the money at this point. It’s the principle. It’s about how this all went down. It’s shady. It’s unfair. And it’s wrong.
Stop breaking these kids’ hearts and change your ways of handling your business with people. Have the decency to AT LEAST explain to people what they should expect before their kids become passionate about something that is unrealistic and unaffordable.
Stop taking people for granted knowing that their children are their weakness. We are not prey. We are clients and ultimately a part of what should be a family in this sport.
For whatever it’s worth, thank you for taking the time to read this. I don’t wish this on any other family who walks into your gym with a child who has a dream to be a little champ in the ring someday. Shame on you guys.
Ely (insert cell phone number with hopes they actually read this and give me some credit for being a bad ass. I’ll take a Nobel Peace Prize or even just a shiny trophy, but a call will suffice.)