Witty Rants

Write & Let Write. Don’t be a DICK.

I’m not ignorant. At least not most of the time. Like except when people who claim to be family or friends or people who “care” give me “healthy” advice like “Starbucks is too expensive you should really consider cutting back.” Whhhatt??! How fucking DARE you! You know NOTHING. You are NOTHING! :::slurping noises from my almost-empty venti caramel macchiato resonate across oceans of envy and hate:::

But when it comes down to things like writing, for instance? I’m well aware of my “skill” level. I mean I mostly rebel against what any respectable writer would deem as “promising” in the blogosphere. I don’t post big shiny pictures worth a thousand pixels nor would I ever find a need to post videos of any kind of myself on here because don’t look at me. I don’t link shit to Pinterest because I don’t give a damn about Pinterest unless I need a fancy quote to impress people with. Personally, I think Pinterest is a massive distraction that gives us false hopes of beautiful things we know we could never find the fucking time nor patience to create. Also? I don’t have little DIY tutorials. It’s against my religion. And Only stay at home moms have time for this type of nonsense fuckery. And I barely have anything chipper to talk about. Which makes my blog that much less appealing I get it but come on….if I was a Chipper Chelsea I’d probably have nothing to write about anyways. I’m here because I’m broken and glittery and I want the world to know that real does exist.

I have real shit happening in my life and I’m interested in exposing my journeys and the twisted insides of my misunderstood mind. I’m not interested in a million followers. I’m interested in 100 loyal and responsive ones. I’m not interested in 1,000 likes. I’m interested in the 10 comments that fuel friendships and initiate conversations. I’m not here to financially prosper from my writing. Don’t get me wrong, if I randomly become like the Cardi B. of blogging overnight then I’ll take it. But I’m not fucking changing for anyone or anything anymore and I’m so sick and tired of bloggers telling each other what to do and not do. Who do you even think you even ARE?!

I’m not saying I can’t appreciate advice when it’s asked for by novice bloggers. And I’m not talking about the obvious 101 shit that all bloggers should know from the get… “hey don’t forget to link your user name to your blog” or “hey you should add a subscribe or follow button”. Duh.

I’m talking about those factory, commercialized bloggers sitting on their little virtual thrones “educating” people on what kind of content is appropriate or what kinds of topics are favorable to appeal to a broader audience or what kind of language or writing style they should aim for or what might be “too intimate to share”.

Don’t fucking tell me what to do. You are NOT my keeper. I am an untamed wild psycho raging writer-beast and I will write about whatever the hell sets my little soul on fire on that particular day in that particular moment. Go play in traffic.

Personally speaking, at some point in my life I was pretty serious about writing from a monetary perspective. I meant business. I self-hosted my blog so that I can make a living from my writing and I tried being that crisp, clean-cut, mommy writer and I was reading books about how to write books ya’ll. I repeat: I was reading books about how to write fucking books.

The “laugh now” sign is blinking guys, go ahead. Laugh it up.

You done?


And so there I was, suddenly re-teaching myself all of the proper “grammar rules” I had learned in the fifth grade. I was looking for “my story”…for “my niche”. I was waiting for “my moment”. I was praying for my “big break” as an author oh God this is so painful to write. I was researching agents even though I hadn’t actually written a single fucking page nor did I have a silhouette of an idea about what this “story” I was working on was even about. I was reading the thesaurus for fun- well, I was forcing myself to. And I was writing like some reject from the renaissance era who insisted on using words that no one even knew existed because I thought ok this is how you impress people. You use really complex words and speak in pure metaphor until they oooooh and ahhhh and give you a book contract. You sound smart even though you feel stupid. You post pretty pictures and you speak eloquently until all the mommy-bloggers surrender their souls to you.

Ely- you were such a twat. I hate you. Seriously. Just kidding girl I love you, you’re a badass.

I’m pretty sure I completely lost my mind during those times. Honestly. When people saw me reading from a stack of writing technique books and would dare ask me what I was up to I had the audacity to say that I was “working on getting a novel published.” Wait what?! The fuck?! Did you say?! No bitch. You’re not “writing” anything. You’re reviewing fifth grade. And my blogging voice was just 50 shades of fake and I was just So. So. So. So. overwhelmed and consumed with the notion of being perfect. Of being accepted. Of being someone’s inspiration.

But I always have been all of those things in my own little ways.

I’m quite embarrassed. I’m not even gonna lie. And not because I wanted to make something of my writing but rather, for losing all sense of authenticity and Ely-ness. All because I was so intimidated by well-polished, money-hungry bloggers who always had some fucking overrated opinion to rip someone’s hopes and dreams apart with. And I was so intimidated by “researching” what it takes to be a “successful” blogger or writer that I lost all sight of what I really wanted- which was to simply write. I mean? What is SUCCESS. Like define success?

Because for me, to “succeed” in terms of my blog or just writing in general simply means to make people laugh by being ridiculous and relatable and raw and connecting with others at that level of “no way? YOU TOO?! Damn I thought I was the only one…” Success around here for ME means I made some potentially life-long bad-ass writer friends who are a huge part of my inspiration and support system. Success means that I feel a little bit less weight on my shoulders after every single time I hit “publish” and I get all middle-school-crush-giddy whenever I get notifications with new comments, and new followers because it further validates my passion and the fact that my words mean something to someone. Regardless of how INSANE or intense or over-the-top my words may be.

I’ll wrap this rant up by saying that I’m not in any way suggesting that I’ve earned the royal rights to rant about, criticize, or judge other writers. I’ll extend that clarification as a courtesy for the soft little sheepish sheepy fluffy sheeps out there. I’m just not a fan of self-righteous writers who think they know it all and have all the answers even when the questions weren’t asked to be-fuckin-gin with. You’re not a wizard. You’re not Jesus. And you’re not better than me. Get over yourself. If I wanted your opinion, I’d ask for it. If I needed your help, I’d ask for it. If you feel some type of way about my writing or my blog? Toss up the deuces.

We are all here on our own journeys. Support one another and if a writer isn’t your cup of tea, then fucking unfollow them and keep it movin!

WRITE. And let fucking WRITE.

33 thoughts on “Write & Let Write. Don’t be a DICK.”

    1. OH KAY. Here we go. First, I know you look back on your former self with a little bit of “what was I even thinking??!” But, I admire you for working that hard to “reivew the 5th grade” HAHAH. I never had enough confidence in the whole “my blog is my livelihood” concept. So cheers to you for even thinking, for a fleeting moment, that would be a reality! That said, I much prefer your brutal honesty as Ely – She Gives No Fox. 🙂 There is something indescribable about being able to relate to someone who’s brave enough to say the things most of us leave unsaid. The treacherous parts of a relationship, the breakdowns inside of the closet, the sleepless nights, the work struggles. I appreciate the blog you’ve grown to create more than most things in life – and I agree whole heartedly with you about the 100 close, engaged followers > the 1,000s who don’t truly know ME. Props to you for speaking your mind yesterday, today & alllll of the days in the future I know you will. Miss you beautiful! .xo.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This has to be the best comment anyone has ever left me. Thank YOU to infinity and beyond Myka. You’re such a friend and amazing amazing woman. I’m so happy that we met, Seriously. I mean that. It’s thanks to writers like you and your support that I continue to push forward even when I have no REAL goals anymore other than bonding and laughing and crying together across the internet! My goals are THISSSSS!!! You!! You are goals!!! So meaningful and genuine- I love you and we barely know one another but It’s the connection right from the start that matters!!! Cheerrrsss to us and blogging friendships that hopefully last forever!!💕💕💕💕💕💕 (no homo!) hahahah!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Yes! I got frustrated in a Facebook group one day when a lady said that the only correct way to write & edit was to write first & then edit when you’re all finished. “Any writer worth a grain of salt”. I write a paragraph or two, or section, then edit & rewrite. When I finish it, I go through it again. There’s no correct way to do it. She was a pompous bitch. I believe she told another lady to stop writing “trash” because she wrote erotica.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WHAT?! Lol! Off with her head!!! Who do these people think they are? Seriously! It’s so frustrating! But at the same time we shouldn’t let it frustrate us right?! Just KEEP ON, KEEPIN’ ON!!! It’s a tough world out there! Thick skin is a NECESSARY accessory that we must flaunt- every single damn day!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This was so honest and real! You took the words right out of my mouth. I’m a new blogger and I throw up a little at all the advice about finding a niche and the do’s and don’ts and how to’s of blogging. I get so excited whenever I find writers like you that want to talk about the real stuff. It’s refreshing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg thank you so much!!! I’m so glad you found me! Stick around girl! I’m here for the business of Real! Thank you for reading! I can’t wait to check out your blog!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw! Haha thank you!!! I think I consider myself to be on that cool mom spectrum. I def try to raise my kids to be realists and not blind to the bullshit out there. Even if it’s in a kindergarten classroom. LOL!thank you for reading!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Honestly, I don’t even know where I should begin with this post, because it is, well, fucking incredible. You pretty much just summarized my feelings, but in a brilliant and colorful and hilarious way!!! It was simply perfect. When I read a blog post, I want to connect and know what that person is feeling; I want to get dirty in the trenches with them. You did that, and I am just so happy I read this. Don’t change, ever. You are fantastic and real and you don’t need to be anyone else!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Success is an individualized experience altogether. I don’t think any one person can pin a definition to that word! To each his own! Thank you again!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Honestly, you’ve hit every nail on the head Re: Why I Wind Up Hating Most Blogs I Read. If they’re not full of affiliate links, they’re full of … Just… Fakeness. And it bothers me. I’m so glad I restarted my blog and stopped doing that myself. It was so energetically and creatively draining in a variety of ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen girl!!! I don’t bother with those types of blogs. I want REAL. We should all be aiming for real! Thank you so much for reading! Cheers to letting go and letting it BE!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pinterest and Instagram can be places where one realizes anything they do might not be good enough in comparison to what others are doing. I appreciate your unfiltered blog posts and think you should do way more of them. Throw in a picture or two too. Keep on blogging.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Tony thank you! For your compliments as well your feedback! I do LOVE pictures. I just don’t know much about them, you know? I’ve always felt that adding pictures to my posts would be just another added task that would stress me out and I’m here for the de-stressing, if that makes sense? Hahaha! I do love me some GIF’s every now and then for the laughs! Thanks for reading and stopping by friend.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I wholeheartedly agree with Liz. I believe there is a place for everyone in the blogosphere. Not too many people are bold enough to write the un-sugarcoated truth. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is for me to read your posts. It’s unique. It’s catchy. It’s bold. And best of all – it is authentic. It’s weird but readers and pick up on BS immediately. And you are not that. And I hope you continue to be yourself in your blog. You definitely have me (and a lot of others) as readers! Great post.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so so so MUCH! Your words make me want to sit here and WRITE my heart out, haha! I don’t know why we questions ourselves so much sometimes. But what’s important is that we get back to the business of doing the things that set our hearts on fire and paying no mind to the naysayers and the common-tongued. This blog has helped me unravel myself in ways I could have never imagined to be possible and I’m just so thankful for EVERYONE and the friends I’ve made. THANK YOU thank you thank you for your words and support.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I love your blog posts and I am so glad you decided to get back to being yourself and just write what you want to write. I couldn’t agree more with what you said here. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. The maiden doth speaketh truth upon us this day…. “Renaissance reject” is a popular one many of us writers have fallen victim to. I tried writing a Victorian novel in college with no historical knowledge of the period outside of reading Jane Austen. Those were the days of delusion and grandeur. Like, wtf. I’m starting to realize that I love the style of writing I do on my blog and maybe that type of writing is what suits me best. Novelist and fiction writer sounds nicer, but when I tell people I write personal essays, they always seem slightly deflated and confused. So I always toss in some fiction since I have done a few pieces.

    It’s tough for me to picture you as this subdued person writing sweet and proper things. Not that you can’t do it, but it’s so unlike the Ely I’ve come to love. I’m so glad to have the gift of your writing, and I’ve often nodded my head like, Yes! What she said! I have to say that I think you can be very successful with your style. There are plenty of people out there who’ll love it. You can have both. I have this book called “Sh*t My Dad Says and it’s just full of outrageous and vulgar humor with lessons tossed in. You keep up the great work sugar pie. Let the commercial ladies be commercial, and you just keep on raging. xo

    Liked by 3 people

    1. YES! Thank you! You always just GET IT! And I’m glad someone has been through the wanna-be-Shakespeare Syndrome as well! lol. I’ve caught the fever a few times. The first time was in highschool while having read “A Mid-Summer Night’s Dream” and Hamlet and The Odyssey. It was a VERY dramatic period of my life LOL. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and support. Seriously, it means so much to me.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. “soft little sheepish sheepy fluffy sheeps” is my favourite 6-word sequence that I’ve ever seen ahahah. When I give people blogging advice I try to tell them the exact opposite of everything they’re “supposed” to do. I don’t believe in bloggers being the same. That’s just dumb. Our advantage is we’re all different and we all say different things. Why are we all going to try and follow the same model? Makes no sense to me. So preach on. You do you! And put those sheep to sleep.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Here, here, Paul. I actually considered that sentence one of my favorites as well. If that sentence wasn’t posted on the internet, I would’ve stolen it, lol. I’m kidding. I don’t have the guts and I love her too much. But everything you said, I agree with. So good to have such variety. Why make the blogging world as rigid as the publishing world?

      Liked by 3 people

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