I don't know if it may be that Mother Nature is having a hormonal tantrum, or if perhaps global warming is to blame, or if there was like a catastrophic sperm-storm that hit every other uterus here in Miami and who knows where I was (thank God) but literally, I feel like I'm being ambushed… Continue reading The Results Are In. Facebook… You ARE The Mother
First off, let me just say this. CAKE IS NOT "EASY AS CAKE". Whoever said that- fuck her. Or him. Cake is straight up HARDCORE mafia-level serious business. Not only is it an art, but it's a science. Every little detail matters. Whether or not you sifted your flour, what kind of flour you use,… Continue reading 3 Years of Tiers and Tears
I've been holding off on posting my next masterpiece emotional disaster because I really want to work on something strategically funny and upbeat, as opposed to another depressing neverending rant from hell. So I've been waiting patiently to get my giddy back. Because I'm bored of being like, this angry pandemoniac raging beast anxious mommy… Continue reading The Giddy Thief
Lately? It's like I'm either a cracked-out-unicorn pooping glitter and vomiting sunshine or an over-sedated, insomniac, depressed-about-being-depressed-about not-knowing-what-he's-depressed-about Eeyore (if you don't know who Eeyore is, we can't be friends. Good day sirs and ma'ms). Either way I'm some kind of horse, apparently. So that's just peachy. Unicorn or Eeyore. Horse or horse. (Shut up… Continue reading The Cracked-Out-Unicorn That Could. or Couldn’t. Whatever.
I'm not ignorant. At least not most of the time. Like except when people who claim to be family or friends or people who "care" give me "healthy" advice like "Starbucks is too expensive you should really consider cutting back." Whhhatt??! How fucking DARE you! You know NOTHING. You are NOTHING! :::slurping noises from my… Continue reading Write & Let Write. Don’t be a DICK.