Witty Rants

Fox-News-Fridays

  • Dwayne Wade is back in Dade with the Heat. Well ain’t that neat? Not really, I don’t honestly give a sheet shit. There goes my poet-ry. I was going for a slam dunk but I landed on the toilet seat and my rhyming took a dump. What a load of crap, I’m just saying- how these players get played and get “traded” like slaves on plantations… maybe I’m crazy.. Mic check 1-2-3. If anyone’s bringing the heat to this city, it’s ME.

  • This week was tough. First my fiancé apparently had cancer cells in his blood and now he never did to begin with. FUCK incompetent physicians across the board- every. single.one.

  • Also shoutout to my aunt for her white magic witchcraft skills. Thanks for getting naked in your backyard and running around with feathers in your hands. You the real MVP no matter what your neighbors say.

  • Kardashians are popping babies left and right and we don’t even know who’s popping them out anymore they’re just popping out like human popcorn and it’s all part of their business plan to rule the fucking universe with the Kardashian legacy of incompetent whoreacy and overdone body parts. They’re setting the tone for an evolutionary change along their blood line where ultimately, Kardashian offspring will be born with plumped lips, zero ribs, and ginormous asses along with a pre-set Kanye state of mind. So help their innocent souls.

  • I still don’t have a wedding dress

  • NASA sent a car into space with a space-man dummy in the drivers seat and some song on replay? With hopes that the aliens will stop all alien activities and stare in very confused awe when they see homeboy drive on bye. At least this is the type of news my aunt gives me when we talk on the phone. I haven’t confirmed these fuckeries because I trust her to the core. But I mean?

  • It is illegal to be drunk in a bar in Alaska. It is illegal to sell children in Florida. Confetti and stink bombs are illegal in Alabama. It is illegal to eat fried chicken with utensils in Georgia.

  • I repeat… I do not have a wedding dress for my destination wedding that is 4 months away
  • A motherfucking wax figure was made of Kylie Jenner with a baby stroller. Repeat after me: FIRST. WORLD. PROBLEMS.
  • There’s a penis theme park in china somewhere. See for yourself: Penis Park

  • You’re welcome. Or… sorry?!! Whatever.
  • I purchased a REAL camera! A real one! It’s so incredibly complicated I don’t know where the fuck to start but I’m so excited to use it! Do other real people use “cameras” anymore?!

Until next time….

13 thoughts on “Fox-News-Fridays”

  1. Hahahaha this was great! I could picture you sitting at a news desk and with each infuriating story you move closer and closer to the camera to yell into it with your head on a slant. Can ya picture it?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally use a real camera all the time. I’m not not keen on the photos I get from my phone, so I’d rather have my camera in my handbag at all times.

    There are loads of penis shrines in Japan too. Did you see my post about the penis festival? Now, that was hilarious! 😉

    Like

  3. I use a Nikon D3400. I’m not sure what you’re using, but if it’s a DSLR and you need camera help / resources, feel free to ask and I’ll be glad to help you out! It’s intimidating at first, but once you get used to it, it’s super easy ^_^

    But on another note: It wasn’t NASA that launched the rocket with the car! That was SpaceX and the care was a Tesla- both of which are Elon Musk’s companies (the car was actually HIS personal 2008 Tesla Roadster from what I understand)! They did it during their launch of their new Falcon Heavy Rocket and included the car in order to test its payload capacity 😀 It was launched from the Kennedy Space Center, though, which IS owned by NASA, i think… So that’s probably where the confusion came from.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Anna! I DEFINITELY wanted nothing to do with a DSLR! LOL! I know what those are. I stayed far far away. I got a pretty nice point and shoot that’s easy enough for still-shots and to take with me when I travel with the fam! I don’t even know the brand or model or whatever, but I trust the guy who was helping me pick one out- he’s a photography major and really knew his stuff! Also, LOL at the NASA confusion. I’m like REALLLYY?! Do we not have more important matters to attend to? lol. Thank you for the clarification! I’ll have to make sure my Aunt gets her shit straight now! She’s gonna kill me haha. Thanks for stopping by and reading and I really appreciate you offering your help. I’m not in the business of cameras but one day at a time. Thanks again. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I promise they’re not that scary! If I could do it (I shot on 35 mm up until two years ago XD) then anyone definitely can, lol. I do hope you enjoy your new camera, though! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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