You know. I’d recently been going through some disturbing stuff. If you’re not all caught up, well let’s just say the life-demons conspired to gang-rape my soul and leave me stranded…shivering and dazed in a gutter somewhere in the middle of the ghetto and it’s taken me quite some time to fully “function” again and gather my thoughts in response to the fuckeries.
But it’s getting pretty boring. I’m fucking over it. You get it…I get it…everyone gets it. REPEAT AFTER ME: Life is fucking tough. Life is a bitch. Life is ruthless. Life is relentless. Life is unforgiving. Life does NOT care. Life doesn’t feel sorry for us. Truly? I’m MUCH better now and the goal is to simply move forward and never speak of the stupidities again. I don’t get a kick out of pity parties, especially if they require me to wear heels or be out past 10 pm and I really suck at listening to anyone else’s advice because first of all bitch, you are NOT perfect and you have NOT walked in my shoes honey so just STOP.
But that’s not the rant I’m going for tonight. Tonight I’d like to kick negativity in the ribcage and celebrate all of the baby steps I’ve taken towards redeeming my serenity and all of my internal “healing” process which is going just dandy. There’s been SO much soul-searching going on ya’ll…you’re going to be impressed! And by soul-searching, I mean changes being made. And by changes being made I mean I’ve been doing a shitload of online shopping. And by online shopping, I mean Amazon shopping. And by Amazon shopping, I mean I’m still not stable enough to do it in person…in stores…with “functional” human beings surrounding me. And by all of that I basically just mean that I’m not doing ALL that great yet but the shopping is what fucking matters right now, but anyways.
Don’t you DARE judge me..
I may not be rich or over-privileged but if it means having to go BROKE as fuck to make changes for the sake of MY GODDAMNED SANITY…. then so be it.
Also? If you were like hoping for some bullshit post about mental health awareness and how to make genuine internal changes towards redeeming your self -confidence and your self-worth via meditative techniques or positive affirmations to recite to yourself in the mirror every morning, then it seems you made a wrong left turn over on Nofucksgiven Lane and you should probably make a U-turn right about now. But if you’re ANYTHING like me (superficial & kind of petty?) then you’ll agree that the stupidest little purchases can make a world of a difference on the darkest of days and you’ll totally understand my nonsense philosophies.
And for the record- I don’t give a shit WHAT your over-paid therapists, WebMD, or researchers say. Nothing feels more fucking fabulous than actually feeling fucking fabulous. And how do we get ourselves to feel fabulous when that cunt Sera Tonin decides she’s just gonna up and leave us like a lover in the middle of the night? Well. We fucking buy things. It doesn’t MATTER what the things are. We just buy things- be it a pack of gum or a fucking Ferrari, we just buy things. Big things, little things, cheap things, expensive things, pointless things, useful things, necessary things, ridiculous things, inspirational things- we don’t discriminate against the things. ALL THINGS MATTER. And the same way the things will occupy empty spaces in our closets, drawers, walls, living spaces, garages, etc.-well they also occupy the empty spaces in our fucking souls. It’s a scientifically calculated FACT:
X(things) + Y(things) + Z(things)= Temporary Happiness and THEN…Temporary Happiness(Temporary Happiness)+ Z(Infinity things)= Permanent, Everlasting Happiness. In other words, a constant, infinite accumulation of things will ultimately add up to permanent happiness. TRUST ME, I took calculus. I know these things.
And here’s a peek into the petty things that have made me feel a little bit better about myself lately (you know, besides my good health, my home, my career, my loving children and husband-to-be…GOD I’m a dick). And you’re in for a real treat because you can click on the blue underlined words to go straight to the things…and then I can start getting paid by Amazon which would be GREAT considering I spend 87.6% of my fucking income on THEM. I’m basically like an Amazon Queen.
Some of The Petty Things That Make Me Giddy AF
(These are legit purchases with the exception of a couple things that are on my shit-to-buy-list guys. I’m not just listing random things without purpose. I’m just saying..)
CPR for Dying Hair. You’re WELCOME. If my hair feels amazing, everything else just kind of falls into place. Life feels like it makes so much more sense on a good hair day. I don’t know but there’s just something about soft, silky, shiny and healthy feeling hair that makes everything fucking tolerable.
The HOLY GRAIL of Blow Dryers (for me at least..) I’ve owned nearly every dryer in the market. This has been my fave thus far. It’s fast. It’s light-weight. It’s hot. It gets the job DONE in half the time (OK this sounded like advertisement for the latest sex-toy and it’s called a BLOW-dryer but it’s not a sex toy so you can get your heads out of the gutter now people).
Another make-up bag that I had ZERO need for but it reflects EVERYTHING I feel inside and it had to be a part of my fucking life. I have 29 other makeup bags. They were all necessary in the moment in time in which I found them. Fight me.
Candles that I can never BURN my house down with.I thrive in a candlelit setting. I love everything about candles. But sadly, I suck at candles. I tend to forget to blow them out and then I always manage to place them in ALL the wrong spots (like underneath a low-lying shelf or cabinet or too close to a plant or next to something hanging that will catch fire for sure) so the solution has become to get the next best thing: fake ones. These are AMAZING because they have fake little flames that actually flicker and look like the real thing! You can set them on a timer with the remote and make them NOT flicker and well whatever I love these candles! They’re amazing. Go buy them. YOLO.
100% SILK MOTHERFUCKEN PILLOW CASEOk. This was a pricey, over-the-top, out-of-the-ordinary purchase for me. HOWEVER. THE BEST investment I have *EVER* made in my life. Ladies: if you have yet to invest in the vitality of your glowing fucking skin and shiny ass hair then ya need to do so. I have underestimated the meaning of “beauty sleep” for WAY too long. So it’s official: anything that’s gonna delay my wrinkles and the breakage of my hair is on the top of my fucking list. Right up there with caffeine.
OMG this t-shirt like literally makes my soul smile! I love this damn shirt. And the material is so soft I can buy it over and over.
These invisible floating bookshelves are LIFE! I don’t know about ya’ll, but my books are everything to me. I love just having them there…to look at.. for no reason. The presence of BOOKS in my life brings me a sense of positivity and LIFE.. these shelves are just fucking cool. It gives a modern touch and though I haven’t hung them up yet (because I’m painting the walls first) I’M PUMPED as hell about them.
The guy who wrote this book KNOWS what the fuck he’s talking about! Everyone needs this book! It’s so relatable and uplifting in a fucked up way!
These MUGS! SoooOoOoO Pretty!!!!!But ya’ll know I can’t get enough coffee mugs! The more pretty coffee mugs the happier life gets.
What little dumb petty things have made you feel better lately? Am I alone here? I’m not saying BUYING SHIT is an acceptable or healthy replacement for help. When you reach the point of needing help you just kinda have to go get the help. And I’m also not saying I’m right in my superficial endeavors, but there’s no way in fuck that I’m the only human alive who gets a high out of spending my hard -earned money on BULLSHIT.
Someone back me up here?