Witty Rants

Class-A -vs- Class-B Bitches: A Bitching about Bitches.

You know what irritates me?

An extensive list of unnecessary fuckeries, to be frank. But let’s get down to the business of raunchy, raging, ranting shall we?

You see as of late, my greatest pet peeve has slowly become humanity; specifically the female portion of it. Yes. People are my pet peeves; especially the ones with the vaginas. A little much you say? Probably. Am I trying to insinuate that I’m “better” than the rest of humans with vaginas? YES. You should know better than that, come on. I’m a lot of fucked-up messy kinds of “things” and I’m a special brand of extra-saucy type of bitch but I’m not a

  • Fake Bitch
  • Disrespectful Bitch
  • Judgmental Bitch
  • Envious Bitch
  • Intrusive Bitch

This is the part where bitches are like, “Really, bitch? So you’re really gonna be THAT bitch that bitches about the bitches who are a certain type of bitch? What gives?”

I’ll tell you what gives: I GIVE. I give ZERO fucks to be precise. But here’s the thing: There are Class-A Bitches and then there are Class-B Bitches. I, my friends, am exclusively…a Class-A Bitch. And proud. And you should take some notes.

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I’m just saying’

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Wait.Who are these Class-A Bitches?

I thought you’d never ask! Class-A Bitches are the Authentic, All-inclusive-package of bitches. We have it all, seriously. We are fucking Awesome! We are the humble, semi-adulting, spunky, bitches who wear our hustle, heart, and soul on our sleeves. We may have zero filters, but we’re not (always) assholes and people tend to relate to us.

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Take me for instance! While I admit that I’m a way-too-personal, over-sharer of all things, the things are always relevant to MY life and MY experiences. I choose to tell MY stories, and spill MY random thoughts because that is what sets my soul on fire: connecting with similar species of humans and making them laugh (or cringe) at my ridiculous piles of words. As a Class-A Bitch, I strive to be as authentic as possible, while maintaining high levels of sass, snark, and sizzle. Class-A bitches are often misunderstood but we would NEVER consciously or intentionally do or say things that could hurt people around us. We just want everyone to love us for who and what we are!

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Class-A Bitches don’t get involved in other bitches’ lives. We don’t stress other bitches. We don’t hate on other bitches. We aren’t obsessive-compulsive about other bitches’ bank accounts, follower-counts on IG, or relationship statuses on FB. We don’t feel the need to compete with other bitches because we SUPPORT other bitches, and we are secure and confident enough to know that our time to shine will come. Envy ain’t cute- Class-A Bitches know this and so we don’t wish bad upon other bitches because we know Karma is the ruler of all the lands of all the bitches and she WILL have our heads. Us Class-A Bitches are just out here, trying to and do US, boo-boos.

Oh. Ok. (insert eyerolls) Sooo then who Are The Class-B Bitches?

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Basic. Bitches. These are the iffy, bitches that can NOT be trusted. These are the zero-regards/respect for ANYONE types of bitches. Class-B Bitches are shady, trifling, two-faced, envious bitches who will pretend to be your “BFF-FFF-FFF” and then when you least expect it- BANG! There goes that bitch, banging your man, stealing your position at work, or throwing you under the bus when any type of shit goes down.

These bitches are armed with endless supplies of haterade and they should be considered dangerous. They give the fake kinds of “zero fucks” that come off as rude, bias, or disrespectful and are forever the center of the latest ridiculous gossip-ready to spread that shit like herpes. Class-B Bitches don’t let bitches LIVE and in that process, they tend to have sorry ass lives themselves which they conceal very very well, using social media as their platforms to prove that they “have it all”. Never trust a Class-B Bitch.

Ladies, don’t be this class of bitch. 

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Now. If you’re a Class-B Bitch the good news is that you still have hope and I’m here to save you from your petty path towards self-destruction. Just call me, Captain-Save-A-Basic-Bitch, here to convert you over to Class-A Bitchism.

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Tips To Help You Go From Class-B Bitch, To Class-A Bitch

1. Opinions Are Like Assholes; Everyone Has One. BUTT, That Doesn’t Make It OK For You to BE An Over-Opinionated Asshole.

In other words: If you don’t have something neutral, nice, or NOT demeaning to say- SHUT THE FUCK UP, bitch.

Look. I’m not saying you aren’t allowed your two cents. I’m ALL for a powerful bitch with a voice. I’m just saying that you’re not allowed a single fucking penny spent towards my life, my choices, my beliefs, or how I choose to spend MY two cents. Comprende, bitcha? You don’t get to have an opinion on another bitch’s life unless it’s been asked for. Period. So keep that shit to yourself unless it’s uplifting, supportive and from a good place in your heart. And that walks us right on into:

2. Just Mind Ya Fucking Business, Bitch.

I find it irritating when a fake-bitch is suddenly super interested and invested in my life- any aspect of it. Unless we have THAT kind of connection- you don’t need to be asking me personal shit about my relationship, my career, or any of my personal endeavors without an invitation to ask. I mean, are you writing a fucking biography of my life?

I’ve had my fair share of Class-B Bitch encounters and these are the ones who will die-hard pretend they genuinely care, and will provide shams of emotional support during hard and fantastic times alike, but it’s all JUST an effort to keep themselves as involved and as up-to-date as possible. Fucking predators. Vultures.

If you’re unhappy with your life, Class-B Bitch, what you need to do is start dealing with your issues honey because you have more of them than Cosmopolitan. Get your head out of your apps, out of my life and into YOUR life.

3. Don’t Judge, Bitch. 

Unless you’re “God”. And If you ARE “God”, I’m going to need to see some identification Sir. And even then- you better sit the fuck down Mr.God Because I. HAVE. QUESTIONS. Otherwise, there’s nothing less attractive than an arrogant, loud-mouthed bitch who judges everyone for everything when she’s a fucking mess herself. Honey if I decided to get fake-boobs (which I have NOT. Not yet.) and you do not fuck me, feed me, nor finance said fake-boobs- I’m sorry to break it to you but your input on how “your body is your temple and you think you’re perfect just the way God created you” or how “I should learn to love myself”, or how “I could die and then would it be worth it” is not welcome. Fake tits may very easily get me killed or may lead me towards a life of self-loathing but that’s my fucking problem. My choices, are for ME to live and learn from. We’re all living and learning, so back the fuck off and take a good hard look in that dirty bathroom mirror of yours before you judge me or anyone else.

Summary

Granted. It’s a lot easier said than done and there’s a lot more to it then just “ok STOP being this and that. Some bitches are destined to be Class-B Bitches because it’s implanted in their DNA. There may blood-lines and generations upon generations of petty, hater, childish tendencies to overcome. I RESPECT that it’s going to be a process but it’s NOT impossible ladies- it’s just another obstacle you’ll have to make your way around much like you managed to fuck your best friend’s husband. EASY-PEEZY-LEMON-SQUEEZY!

It is ALL in the mind. YOU are in control of who and what you are and become. If you want to STOP being that nasty brand of cunty bitch, ladies….you have the power! You don’t have to be raging home-wrecking whores! You don’t have to be ANYTHING other than what you heart desires! The skies the limit, bitches. 

For more tips, advice, or assistance from a Class-A Bitch Advisor: please contact us AT 1888-HELPMEIMACUNT.  Our dedicated, caring, and open-minded team is here to help see you all the way through your Class-B to Class-A conversions,  24/7!

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37 thoughts on “Class-A -vs- Class-B Bitches: A Bitching about Bitches.”

  1. I have been talking a lot about “jealousy” lately. Because its the one human emotion I don’t possess…for reals, the closest I get when I see some hott rich bitch with a crop top and a mercedes, is “turned on” but I am told thats not the same thing. lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lmfao!! YESSSSS. Look I’m secure my sexual orientation BUT I’m quick to check out a girl BEFORE my man gets to! Matter of fact I’m that girl that’s like “Babe- she’s HOT. Look at her ass! You think it’s real?! ” and then he gets to check her out without drama lol 😂 it’s so much easier 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. When I first started to read your post I was like hey what is this bitch talking about?? I have to admit when I saw you mention unnecessary fuckeries I thought you were about to start judging my kinky fuckery lifestyle and I was getting ready to hit that little unfollow thingame doodle BUT then I had to back track my brain because you were on a different rant and one which I
    “OH SO” agree with!!! Class A bitches rock this earth and you said this so eloquently…Sorry I almost jumped to the wrong conclusion, I blame it on lack of sex…Um chocolate, I mean chocolate!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lmfao!!! I can totally see how that would have initially thrown you off sorry! I just really LOVE the word “fuckeries” and I use it freely to refer to “things” 😂 thank you! #ClassABitchSquad

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well this is fucking brilliant…I’m sorry, ‘butt’,
    “Opinions Are Like Assholes; Everyone Has One. BUTT, That Doesn’t Make It OK For You to BE An Over-Opinionated Asshole”
    WHO ARE YOU?!!!
    I can definitively say I am a solid ‘A’. We bitches gotta stick together, for god’s sake. I simply don’t have time for anything other than ‘I got your back, we are in this crazy, messy circus together…and I fucking love that you are crazy and messy!’
    So for all you ‘Bs’, well you heard the girl. Help is just a phone call away…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha! Thank you so much! And to answer your question I am absolutely no one, just another bitch trying to do right by my other bitches (the Class A ones at least!) because what’s the point in struggling and battling to put each other down and take from one another. Life is too short for all the drama women tend to LOVE to bring to the table. Just fucking LIVE and let LIVE right?! Xoxo! Thanks for reading!!

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Lol! Is it awful that I low-key kind of love that you maybe wet yourself a little? Just kidding! Lol 🤣 Well thank you for taking the time to read! My rants tend to be never ending! I’m working on that! (no I’m not, actually)- lol. And I’m so glad to have another A-lister come around! We have GOT to stick together!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. YES! THIS EXACTLY!
    Let me put on my sex-psychology gloves for a minute (they’re fingerless to show off my manicure.), and please excuse the wordsplosion below:
    You got your strong Alpha bitches who help stregnthen each other, build each other up, and are recognise the power that other Alpha bitches have – Alphas respect Alphas, and will confidently hold the ladder for each other til they all reach the top.
    Beta Bitches, on the other hand, are jealous as fuck over how amazingly effortless the Alpha Bitches are, and will do anything to bring them down, in order to build a ladder from their corpses in order to attempt to claim the alpha crown.
    Unfortunately for the Beta’s, the Alpha’s don’t have enough fucks to give for that kind of pedantry and so the Beta’s are, as always, left behind, which once again, fules the Beta’s bitchy cycle.
    Another type of bitch is the Omega, who is incredibly fascinating.
    Anyway, you worded this so eloquently, and I thank you most profusely for that. A fabulous read, as always xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ::::gasp::::: Damn Bry! You took that concept right outta my post and straight into that BOOK ya need to be writing honey! Lol! I wasn’t even THINKING about the Alpha/Beta/Omega concepts but they would have fit RIGHT in like tiny missing puzzle pieces. I was too focused on not taking it to literal and yet it kind of IS literal! Brilliantttt!! Thanks for reading girl! Sending all those Alpha vibes right back at ya! You’re the bomb.com! 😊🙌🏼😍

      Liked by 2 people

    2. lolol…you just blew my mind…I don’t think I could have articulated this any better… Hats off to you…!

      “Let me put on my sex-psychology gloves for a minute (they’re fingerless to show off my manicure.), ” lmaooooo… this is hella funny…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much!! Lol! It was rather long but there was just SO much to be said about them bitches! Hahaha and loving those fingerless gloves girl! Slay!!! Lol

        Like

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