Lifestyle Rants, Witty Rants


Dear. EVERY. single. person. on. this. planet. with. electricity. hot water. and. a. normal. life. right. the. fuck. now:


And believe me when I say, this is not me being all cute and snarky and “Awe, the Fox is harmless! She’s just being her sarcastic awesome self, you really can’t take her serious”...

NO! You listen to me Amigos, Bros, Homies, Bitches, Doucheballs, Biffles, Fuckwads, Lads, and Gents- you SOOOOO better take me serious. Because I’m absolutely seriously being a total, pure-bred, top-notch, world-class, heavy-weight champion of all psychos kind of asshole and I’m seriously being serious when I saytumblr_n5ug9yo0301rmxxalo1_500

if you have electricity, hot water, and a normal life. From the bottom of my petty little heart.

Look. Had things been different…I promise you. I PROMISE you that five days ago, I was a completely different human being. Five days ago- I was tripping on a special brand of acid called “That Humble Shit”. I was all cracked-out-high on life, hallucinating first-world-lessons and hearing tiny ethereal voices inside of my head that were all like, “Wow! We really need to appreciate the little things!”, “Wow! We’re going to be SUCH better people after this whole Irma aftermath shit-show settles like a pile of ashes caught in a brief, swift breeze! It’s going to be poetry material, guys!”, “Wow! The kids totally needed this! What an eye-opening and momentous experience!” ,”What a blessing in disguise!”


You think I’m joking? Here. Check this work of crap out…This is copied from my notepad on my Macbook. Just read it, I triple-doggy-dare you! This is evidence of how freakishly different I was feeling five days ago. Go ahead. I honestly don’t even believe I wrote this. It’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore sometimes.


For the first time…

My children have begun to understand what it means to have a little bit less, and to struggle just a little bit more. They have seen what it means to eat in portions and to eat wisely- being mindful to eat ONLY when they’re hungry and ONLY to fulfill their tummies and NOT to fulfill their boredom. They have seen the darkness with a little bit more light and they have played with their shadows. They have met the friendly flash-light creatures of the night- dancing and hopping across mid-night walls and they have marveled at their glory. They are learning to trust, and respect the darkness. I find a significantly poetic beauty to this… it’s difficult to explain why, but I do. 

They have befriended the walls and the fences and the roof that protects them from harm, often having asked “How are they doing” as if they were concerned for the safety and longevity of their friends.

They have worried for the Palm trees that have graced our backyard and for the rest of the Earth, wondering if “anyone will survive this”. Wondering things well beyond their years, and well beyond their minds. Wondering, “What would happen to the ants?” Wondering, “Where will that one baby frog go Mommy? The one that we saw a few days ago who couldn’t jump too far because he hurt his leg?” Wondering, “What will happen to my great grandmother who does not swim? How will we save her?”

My heart breaks in the tiny uppermost corner of its left quadrant for their precious little souls and their fragile little minds. In this little corner of my grey heart, is where my “worries for the world” are sparsely hidden. As expected, it’s a pretty dark, cold little crevice that only my children can so easily reach.

My children have grown. They have sat amidst an innocent fog of fearful silence, awakened by the violent howls of nature’s fury. And I needed them to feel this fear. I needed them to be a little big bigger than five and seven. A little bit stronger. A little bit more…MORE. Am I awful? For wanting them to LEARN? To SEE? To UNDERSTAND? Well. Maybe.

You see, for my children I would die. I would take lives, before letting them feel an ounce of physical pain at the hands of anything or anyone cruel. But their minds- I can see that even though “nothing” has happened- their minds…yes… they have been stretched a little bit further. They are a little bit more than just children after this. They are a little bit more… human.


FIVE days ago was day SIX of consecutively forced living in darkness, showering with nerve-shocking cold water, and withstanding suffocating heats that peaked at 95 degrees inside of our home. It’s like we were raped into this fucking situation. Irma RAPED us (I told you she was a Whoreicane). But. Despite the harsh conditions that me and my family were facing, I knew that I had to force myself to remain civil, and humble and all of that “be the bigger person” mumble jumble. So I kept repeating little mantras and telling myself shit like:

  • People have it so much worse.
  • People have died.
  • People have lost EVERYTHING.
  • For some people, this is what everyday of their lives actual IS.
  • Some people would kill to have it this “bad”.
  • Don’t be that basic superficial bitch, Ely.
  • You have to be an adult. You have to set an example for your children.
  • Make the best out of this. 

Well. Guess the fuck what. It is now day ELEVEN, and there is no hope or sign of life with light, hot waters, normalcy, or any such common fuckeries. Also, this just in:


I officially don’t FUCKING care about anything but ME AND MY FAMILY and I think after eleven days, I’m allowed a “get pissed off for free” card AND I WILL STILL collect my 200$ dollars when I pass go, motherfucks.

I’m over this. I’m SO over this. And let’s not even talk about the financial burden we’re dealing with here. I’d rather NOT. The only positive thing I can say is that bill collectors are being super flexible with us and FEMA did assist us with a *very small* financial assistance and WHATEVER, I’m thankful for at least that.  But I want my life back. I want my routine back.

I actually want, more than anything else in this powerless fucking Universe of mines right now, (I cannot even believe I’m about to say this) TO DO MY LAUNDRY IN THE COMFORT OF MY HOME AGAIN. I crave to CLEAN my house and drown it in my favorite Febreeze air freshener, Bora Bora. I yearn to light my overpriced soy candles, and bake a scrumptious fucking cake in my oven and I want to just sit there on the floor, staring into the little oven-window and watch it rise to life. I want to marinate in a boiling hot bath, and I mean a HOT bath like so hot I want to watch blisters pile up on my damn skin. I want to vegetate in front of my television and binge on the most pointless ridiculous and meaningless fucking TV show just for shits and giggles. Just because I CAN.

I just want to be normal and boring and comfortable again. Is that SO much to ask for, Universe?! Cut me some slack here. We’ve had enough.


Ps- I thought everyone should know that an hour after I posted this, I received a phone call. It seems I have electricity now, lol. Of course I do!

47 thoughts on “ELEVEN.”

  1. I didn’t know you were so directly effected (affected?) by the storm! That is insane! I am so glad your electricity came back on. I feel so bad for you & your family! I would have lost my shit about 9 days earlier.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Girl yes. Fortunately there was minimal physical damage but that AFTERMATH though. Good lawddd almighty. Thank you! All is back to “normal” whatever that even means anymore! I was handling it all pretty well and then I totally lost my shit and became all types of petty lol!!! I tried.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is raw honest truth! I admire you so much for just putting it out there. Life sometimes just really really beats us to the ground. I’m down here in Africa where Electricity is not constant, crisis claiming lives and hunger is so vibrant, these are issues that are somewhat normal to us here. I won’t say I understand the depth of what you feel, but I’m familiar with the feeling of devastation……so, I’ll just pray for you and wish you safe,dear. Trucks of love and strength come your way

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for this, truly. I can’t even imagine this kind of instability and difficulty being a norm. It’s a shame that these problems here will so quickly bring us to our knees simply because it’s out of “our norm” but we are all in different places, living different experiences. I admire YOU if anything. I’m an idiot complaining of first-world problems as if it’s THAT BAD but I was just frustrated already. Thank you for your kind words girl


    1. Lol!! Thanks friend! What’s more annoying is that my WiFi is still down (I just got the electricity back yesterday) and I can’t read or support my blogger friends!! I’m writing stuff mostly from work in my lunch time and then have zero time to do much else. Ugh!! Thanks again girlfriend! 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes! I came back to work as of last Wednesday. So it was a relief being here and not home! The kids just started school again this Monday. We lost about 7 days of work and that’s a shitty thing but we are surviving. Now it’s more of a financial aftermath more than anything.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my friend! My WIFI is in and out and won’t be back until tomorrow! I have so much catching up to do on your blog and so many others that I try to support as often as possible! Xoxo!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw! Well you’ll be back in no time! I’m finding that reading, helps with writers block for me. Currently it’s: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, and Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson aka the Bloggess. I LOVE books by funny bloggers. They inspire me like nothing else! She’s out of her mind hysterical and all over the place and she makes it easy to sit and write whatever the Hell is on the mind.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post, I love a good vent now and then!! clears the mind and soul!! I also love that you use the word FUCK liberally, it is absolutely my most favorite word in the English Language

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You deserve to angrily rant about this. A few months ago we didn’t have running water for about 5 hours and I thought it was the end of the world. 11 days is like a reality show contest. Maybe at the end they’ll give you a million dollars?? How many people are still without power?
    Also, I enjoy your rants and think they’re fantastic, but the italicized part of this post where you wrote about your kids, might be the best thing I’ve read of yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. According to me- I was the last person alive without power! I’m not sure what the final numbers are to be honest. Also- I won 500$ from the government. Dassit! And you know, I am VERY proud of what I wrote there about my kids. It just seemed unfinished and then my attitude totally flipped and I was like damn how can I get away with still
      Posting it up and THIS was how I snuck it in! Thank you for recognizing the heart in that part!

      Liked by 1 person

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