Dear. EVERY. single. person. on. this. planet. with. electricity. hot water. and. a. normal. life. right. the. fuck. now:
And believe me when I say, this is not me being all cute and snarky and “Awe, the Fox is harmless! She’s just being her sarcastic awesome self, you really can’t take her serious”...
NO! You listen to me Amigos, Bros, Homies, Bitches, Doucheballs, Biffles, Fuckwads, Lads, and Gents- you SOOOOO better take me serious. Because I’m absolutely seriously being a total, pure-bred, top-notch, world-class, heavy-weight champion of all psychos kind of asshole and I’m seriously being serious when I say
if you have electricity, hot water, and a normal life. From the bottom of my petty little heart.
Look. Had things been different…I promise you. I PROMISE you that five days ago, I was a completely different human being. Five days ago- I was tripping on a special brand of acid called “That Humble Shit”. I was all cracked-out-high on life, hallucinating first-world-lessons and hearing tiny ethereal voices inside of my head that were all like, “Wow! We really need to appreciate the little things!”, “Wow! We’re going to be SUCH better people after this whole Irma aftermath shit-show settles like a pile of ashes caught in a brief, swift breeze! It’s going to be poetry material, guys!”, “Wow! The kids totally needed this! What an eye-opening and momentous experience!” ,”What a blessing in disguise!”
You think I’m joking? Here. Check this work of crap out…This is copied from my notepad on my Macbook. Just read it, I triple-doggy-dare you! This is evidence of how freakishly different I was feeling five days ago. Go ahead. I honestly don’t even believe I wrote this. It’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore sometimes.
For the first time…
My children have begun to understand what it means to have a little bit less, and to struggle just a little bit more. They have seen what it means to eat in portions and to eat wisely- being mindful to eat ONLY when they’re hungry and ONLY to fulfill their tummies and NOT to fulfill their boredom. They have seen the darkness with a little bit more light and they have played with their shadows. They have met the friendly flash-light creatures of the night- dancing and hopping across mid-night walls and they have marveled at their glory. They are learning to trust, and respect the darkness. I find a significantly poetic beauty to this… it’s difficult to explain why, but I do.
They have befriended the walls and the fences and the roof that protects them from harm, often having asked “How are they doing” as if they were concerned for the safety and longevity of their friends.
They have worried for the Palm trees that have graced our backyard and for the rest of the Earth, wondering if “anyone will survive this”. Wondering things well beyond their years, and well beyond their minds. Wondering, “What would happen to the ants?” Wondering, “Where will that one baby frog go Mommy? The one that we saw a few days ago who couldn’t jump too far because he hurt his leg?” Wondering, “What will happen to my great grandmother who does not swim? How will we save her?”
My heart breaks in the tiny uppermost corner of its left quadrant for their precious little souls and their fragile little minds. In this little corner of my grey heart, is where my “worries for the world” are sparsely hidden. As expected, it’s a pretty dark, cold little crevice that only my children can so easily reach.
My children have grown. They have sat amidst an innocent fog of fearful silence, awakened by the violent howls of nature’s fury. And I needed them to feel this fear. I needed them to be a little big bigger than five and seven. A little bit stronger. A little bit more…MORE. Am I awful? For wanting them to LEARN? To SEE? To UNDERSTAND? Well. Maybe.
You see, for my children I would die. I would take lives, before letting them feel an ounce of physical pain at the hands of anything or anyone cruel. But their minds- I can see that even though “nothing” has happened- their minds…yes… they have been stretched a little bit further. They are a little bit more than just children after this. They are a little bit more… human.
FIVE days ago was day SIX of consecutively forced living in darkness, showering with nerve-shocking cold water, and withstanding suffocating heats that peaked at 95 degrees inside of our home. It’s like we were raped into this fucking situation. Irma RAPED us (I told you she was a Whoreicane). But. Despite the harsh conditions that me and my family were facing, I knew that I had to force myself to remain civil, and humble and all of that “be the bigger person” mumble jumble. So I kept repeating little mantras and telling myself shit like:
- People have it so much worse.
- People have died.
- People have lost EVERYTHING.
- For some people, this is what everyday of their lives actual IS.
- Some people would kill to have it this “bad”.
- Don’t be that basic superficial bitch, Ely.
- You have to be an adult. You have to set an example for your children.
- Make the best out of this.
Well. Guess the fuck what. It is now day ELEVEN, and there is no hope or sign of life with light, hot waters, normalcy, or any such common fuckeries. Also, this just in:
THE HUMBLE ACID TRIP IS OFFICIALLY OVER. AND I OFFICIALLY GIVE ZERO FUCKS ABOUT “PEOPLE” AND WHATEVER SITUATIONS THEY MAY OR MAY NOT BE IN FOR WHATEVER REASONS.
I officially don’t FUCKING care about anything but ME AND MY FAMILY and I think after eleven days, I’m allowed a “get pissed off for free” card AND I WILL STILL collect my 200$ dollars when I pass go, motherfucks.
I’m over this. I’m SO over this. And let’s not even talk about the financial burden we’re dealing with here. I’d rather NOT. The only positive thing I can say is that bill collectors are being super flexible with us and FEMA did assist us with a *very small* financial assistance and WHATEVER, I’m thankful for at least that. But I want my life back. I want my routine back.
I actually want, more than anything else in this powerless fucking Universe of mines right now, (I cannot even believe I’m about to say this) TO DO MY LAUNDRY IN THE COMFORT OF MY HOME AGAIN. I crave to CLEAN my house and drown it in my favorite Febreeze air freshener, Bora Bora. I yearn to light my overpriced soy candles, and bake a scrumptious fucking cake in my oven and I want to just sit there on the floor, staring into the little oven-window and watch it rise to life. I want to marinate in a boiling hot bath, and I mean a HOT bath like so hot I want to watch blisters pile up on my damn skin. I want to vegetate in front of my television and binge on the most pointless ridiculous and meaningless fucking TV show just for shits and giggles. Just because I CAN.
I just want to be normal and boring and comfortable again. Is that SO much to ask for, Universe?! Cut me some slack here. We’ve had enough.
Ps- I thought everyone should know that an hour after I posted this, I received a phone call. It seems I have electricity now, lol. Of course I do!