Good evening and thank you for tuning in tonight! The fox is comin’ at you LIVE and you’re hearing it FIRST from WSGNF-9 Fox Knews 7 at 7…
I have no idea. I just auto-assume that all news stations have “official” undercover code names that always start with a W followed by a bunch of letters and a number chosen at random from a jar full of tiny ripped up folded up papers. I also auto-assume news-slingers always say shit like “Comin at you FIRST and LIVE from 7 at 7 W-QYRGHVGTHC-7” in staged Broadway-reject voices. Right?
But I’d rather not get into this any deeper than I already have. Because my attempts to attempt to “analyze” the smallest things in life can end in- well… they just don’t end. Ever. And I have a REALLY hard time just letting go when I need fucking answers for all of the things. And then I suppose this is why I even have a blog right? To over-analyze life while running on auto-assume mode and stripping all of the things down to their bare naked, vulnerable, undeniably painful truths in the most irrational and ridiculous of ways- right?
Also- I knew what I was doing when I said “knews” instead of news. Think about this shit for a second. The “news” is about a bunch of “new” information but the actual minute it gets reported, it’s instantly old “news” because everyone already knows the “news” now so it’s not “new” anymore it’s “olds”. And so I truly believe it’s acceptable to label instantly old information that everyone already knows as knews because once they already “know” it, it instantly becomes something everything once “knew”. Therefore, the “knews” And I mean. Wait. Wait. I lost you somewhere between news and olds and knows and knews. Sigh. It’s ok. I know exactly 4 people in this universe who understand me right now and I’ve come to terms with that. Let’s just move on shall we?
Now. Here’s the knews since our last rantwich. I’m just gonna shoot bullets at you and bang em’ out. (I’m feeling a sense of dejavu with that entire puntence (the whole sentence is a pun in itself and also- did I just break a major fucking rule by inserting a sentence within a parenthesis within a sentence that already had a parenthesis? Like those obnoxious little wooden Russian stacking or nesting dolls?)
because I feel like I’ve for sure said that before or I completely stole it from another blogger and if that’s you just please don’t pun-ish me or sue me because I’m so broke that even the joke that I’m as broke as is crying in a corner in fetal position right now. And jokes don’t cry. They just don’t. Not even the broke (broken?) ones. I never actually even understood the whole “broke as a joke” thing. Is the joke “broke” because it’s “broken” which means it was NOT a funny joke? Is that what all the rage is about with this old saying? Geez. We need new cliches people. ASAP.
- SO. Per WP, I hit my 2 year Blogiversary, and they sent me this super legit as fuck little emblem to prove it to me:
(Here’s the part where I try to fake-humblebrag BUT totally suck at it): ugh. I mean honestly I don’t even deserve this. Seriously I’ve only just begun to consistently grace the world with my okayish mediocre writing in the last few months but I’m still pretty proud of myself and this is basically like a trophy that validates my half-hearted commitments to everything in life. So thank you WP for this reminder that I need to keep reaching for the
stars stats and keep writing! being an insane cunt with a laptop and phenomenal wit.
- As per WP, I also reached a whole 200 likes!
So. 200 likes / 2 years= 100 likes per year=8.3333333333 likes per month= 2.08333333 likes per week= 0.29761905 likes per day.
THE FUCKING NUMBERS DO. NOT. LIE. THEY JUST DON’T.
So. Who are these cold and soul-less freaks who only like my writing by 0.29761905th of a whole single like. Who are you? SHOW YOURSELVES COWARDS.
- On a more upbeat-isn note! I’ve become no-homo addicted to and obsessed with a fellow female humor writer over at Damn, Girl. Get Your Shit Together and the feeling is mutual because she went and did the biggest thing I think anyone has EVER done for me out of the pureness of their heart aside from my fiancé spontaneously surprising me with a venti caramel macchiato with nonfat milk, 3 equals, an extra shot, and a straw so that I can keep my teeth sparkly and white. She went and added a BUTTON to my blog on her friggin’ page under “Funny Female Bloggers” and I am just like stunned and in love a feeling SOOO EXTRA! THANK YOU SO MUCH! It’s the little things that are so galactically fucking huge for me. I’m also in the process of reading these other funny females and am ALWAYS searching for others so please- don’t hoard them!
Also- I am DESPERATELY trying to figure out how the hell to add buttons like this so that I can also share my favorite humor bloggers on my page and I have researched for days and days and can’t figure it out. I tried searching through plug-ins but nothing. If anyone can show me how to do this, hook a sistah up! I
- I was also nominated for my 3rd (or 2nd? I think 2nd) award on August 5th: The Unique Blogger Award by the adorable and hysterical Giggling Fattie! (what the hell are you waiting for? GO FOLLOW HER!)
First of all- THANK YOU and I am SO sorry that I have taken SO long to respond to this! I’m a hot fucking mess and I won’t try to defend myself with awful excuses! But I’m so appreciative that you even thought of me!
So here are or were the rules:
- Link to the person who nominated you (done!)
- Answer their questions
- Nominate 8-13 people (meh, it’s not gonna be that many! No time. No time! lol!)
- Post 3 questions for them to answer (evil smirk)
Here are or were her questions:
What’s the inspiration for your blog title and your blogging name?
When the saying “Zero fox given” came out, I was instantly obsessed with it. I LOVE foxes and how quick and “witty” they are (much like I consider myself to be) and I also have NEVER actually given much of a fuck (fox) about anything petty. I tend to feed off of my own “nonchalance” and I’ve always been “the elephant in the room” and the one who
can’t keep things political and the one who never EVER stays quiet about something she firmly believes in. I’m not afraid to challenge people nor am I ashamed to speak my REAL MIND despite how vulnerable, weak, or ridiculous it might make me to look to others.
What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? Remember this is a cupcakes and rainbow blog so keep PG.
Hahahah! My guilty pleasure? Eek. Ok. Baby foods. Like literally, the Gerber ones in little glass or plastic containers? Yes. Banana. I also REALLY love the chicken and beef ones with vegetables LOL. Are you dying yet? Well rest in peace. I like them. I love them. I was a grown ass teenager in high school and my grandma would go babyfood shopping for ME. I haven’t actually bought myself one in a while but don’t you dare come around here with your damn babies and banana babyfood. I’ll fight the little fuckers for it. lol.
When do you find yourself singing?
ALL. OF. THE. TIME. Confession: I can actually sing. Like SING sing. I just haven’t ever let anyone other than my hubby and my brother hear me do it whole heartedly. I mostly sing in the shower or in the car though. Sometimes I record myself, and then immediately delete the shit out of it just in case, lol. But singing is a thing of mines. Unfortunately I hate stages, attention, bright lights, being recorded or taken pictures of, and mostly, people.
And now I choose:
- Damn, Girl. Get Your Shit Together. (you’re already famous though, girl.)
- Living on Love (THIS IS MY COUSIN PEOPLE. SHE IS AMAZING. FOLLOW HER NOW!)
- Journey Through My 30’s
- Lil Rant
- Rayner Shine
- Hot Mess Memoir
- The Cupcake Witch
Annnnd here are my 3 questions:
- The world is ending. You can only take 3 things (not HUMANS) to the “new world” and there is NO electricity. WHAT. WILL. THEY. BE?!
- What did you REALLY wanna be when you “grew up”? Did it happen? If not- WHY?!
- What does your blog DO for you. Is it your hobby? Your career? What are your ultimate blogging goals and dreams?
Well that’s ALL for tonight world! Thanks for tuning in toWSGNF-9 Fox Knews 7 at 7 (except is 11 pm now) and you heard it FIRST and LIVE straight from the fox!