Witty Rants

101 Things That Burden My Soul

Let’s just dive into this thing! BOOOOM! (WordPress would spam me right now for that if they could. I’m very displeased with their spam analysts. They have zero personality!)

  1. Humidity (the agony… the despair)
  2. Roses or flowers of any kind. Don’t give me something that lasts a week and then dies and gets tossed in the garbage- as a symbol of affection. Please don’t.
  3. Chocolate (yep I said it)
  4. Cashews. Ew. That AFTERTASTE…
  5. Mornings (prior to hot showers and coffee)
  6. People who ask me to think about winning the lottery (such a disappointing conversation that ends in me still being not-rich)
  7. Pumpkin. Spice. A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.(1 word: Illuminati.)
  8. Kanye. Kardashians. Keys. Kegs. Kites. K-marts.Β “K” as a text response (especially when I texted you a paragraph). Most other K-things except kids(mines), karma, kickboxing, 2 Karinas, and Kayaks
  9. Wrinkled or stained book covers/pages
  10. Silent treatments
  11. People in the medical field who have ZERO compassion or people-skills
  12. When a “team player” says shit like “That is not part ofΒ my job description”Β 
  13. When older people are mocked and taken advantage of
  14. When a patient who JUST finished recovering fromΒ surgery for clogged arteries (due to cigarette smoking) steps outside to immediately smoke.
  15. Yellow lights (too much time to think. Can you just command me to STOP or GO and call it a day?)
  16. All cartoons after the 90’s
  17. Sudden DROPS with long pauses right before the drops
  18. Back seats of cars (motion sickness)
  19. Fishing from a boat or doing anything in a STOPPED boat (motion sickness)
  20. Dark, murky ocean water (or canals and lakes-yuck)
  21. Seagrass, seaweed. Will not be touching that water, thanks.
  22. TEA of ANY shape or form
  23. Honey (vomit)
  24. BEES. WASPS.. literally my 2nd biggest fear in this world
  25. Grape flavored anything. Ugh. Robitussin much?
  26. PowerPoint presentations-kill me slowly please.
  27. Red, bloody, way too thick meat
  28. Malls- unless I’m there on a Tuesday, at 10 am.
  29. Food courts. Too much pressure.
  30. Escalators. I do NOT trust them.
  31. Sour candy
  32. People who have that need to TOUCH me when they’re talking
  33. People who whisper-talk. I can NOT fucking HEAR YOU lady!
  34. People who stand way too close to me to talk. I’m not talking back. Back up.
  35. Awkward eye contact
  36. crossing streets by myself
  37. CALLS FROM 800-NUMBERS. That would be YOU Steve!
  38. Getting caught dancing or singing unexpectedly- eek.
  39. Public displays of affection- get a fucking room
  40. see-through leggings. Eye-rolls for days.
  41. Those cut off shorts where the bottom portion of the butt-cheeks droop down like tear drops? NOT CUTE. Stop.
  42. Asian Nail Salons. Go ahead lady. ASK me if “I have boi-fren or huh-ben?” one more time.
  43. Back to school shopping
  44. LAUNDRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
  45. Dirty cars
  46. Messy backyards
  47. Watermelon pudding
  48. Raisins
  49. Humblebraggers
  50. Disrespectful kids with no manners
  51. Little boys who cry for everything (man up Manuelito stop being such a wuss!)
  52. Mafia movies. So predictable.
  53. Walking outside and my seeing-glasses fogging up (I need to get that fixed)
  54. When people ask me “what’s wrong” more than once in a day
  55. When people ask “are you okay?” Even though they know I am NOT okay
  56. How organized ants are. Obnoxious.
  57. CATS (I really needed this to be number 1, but 54 will do).
  58. Broken mirrors
  59. Chain emails that claim horrible things will happen to me if I don’t do whatever it says
  60. Long lines in water parks with hot floors
  61. Wet hair ( I do care)
  62. Slammed parking lots
  63. Forcing myself to be politically correct in work related emails
  64. That feeling of the overfilling a glass of water and slowly watching it flow over the rim-right before I start to cry
  65. Bad liars
  66. Broken promises
  67. Violence and verbal abuse
  68. Fighting over where and what to EAT
  69. “Contouring and highlighting” (too much work)
  70. Colorful eyeshadow
  71. Gray lipstick (please stop that weirdos)
  72. Season finales. So painful.
  73. Unflushed toilets
  74. Decaf coffee. How is that COFFEE?
  75. Self pay registers. People are too stupid for this. What a waste of time.
  76. Those sports teams for kids where EVERYONE gets a trophy ALL the time and no team ever loses or wins. The fuck?! What kind of lessons are these for kids? No wonder kids are sensitive to everything and more suicidal than ever. They have NO THICK SKIN.
  77. Beer
  78. Bowling (ugh) and no, making the alley “glow in the dark” doesn’t make the game more fun. Idiots.
  79. Casinos (a gathering of addicts, sociopaths, chain smokers, and people I can’t trust)
  80. Hip hop music these days- so lame
  81. Justin Bieber
  82. Selena Gomez because I associate her to Justin Bieber
  83. When someone compares me to “the girl from Casper” I do NOT look like Cristina Ricci!
  84. Tequila. NOPE.
  85. When people point out my “Miami” accent. Yeah. No shit. Lol.
  86. Church
  87. Visiting lost loved ones in cemeteries. I can’t do it and don’t.
  88. All 3 of my tattoos. Huge mistakes. Will be covering them up with really cool ones soon.
  89. The scar on my right eyebrow where I never grew hair again thanks to piercing my eyebrow 3 times in high school (luckily it’s towards the end of the brow)
  90. Toothpaste remnants left in the sink
  91. Mission impossible movies. Never saw even ONE of them
  92. Those old karate samurai movies where their mouths keep moving but there’s no more sound…? Why?!
  93. Vlogging…
  94. When the ice in my iced latte already melted (like it has just now)
  95. Ice from faucet water
  96. Soggy French fries
  97. Really oily food (makes me sick)
  98. parking tickets (let me LIVE!)
  99. Drivers who DO NOT move out of the way for an ambulance. Oh my GOD!
  100. That part when you’re in labor, and the baby is out but then the doc is like OK NOW PUSH ONE MORE TIME (because no one ever told you you had to also give birth to the placenta) sorry.
  101. When people assume that because you have children that your life is over or that you’re invalid as a woman or that you’re not fun or that things down-town aren’t “the same” anymore. MYTHS. Lol.

Drama-queen…..OUT! πŸ˜‚πŸŽ¬πŸ†πŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ’»πŸ‘‘πŸŒͺπŸŒ΅πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

29 thoughts on “101 Things That Burden My Soul”

  1. Girl! #76 is the damn truth!!! I tell Arelys all the time (because i don’t have kids) to please not put the kids in sports that everyone gets a trophy. If you didn’t earn it and work hard for it then guess what lil homie, you don’t deserve it plain and simply. Loved the 2 lists. Thanks to you and Karina i am officially hooked! Keep the posts coming! ( i look like una loca every monring seeing if i have an email with posts from you guys) Xoxo 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  2. – Chocolate! Overrated. Except for some things.
    – “That is not part of my job description” is the stupidest sentence someone could say to me
    – Yellow Lights! So frustrating! Especially when there is a car in the middle of the intersection waiting to turn left and they don’t know if you’re going to stop or not because it’s yellow and you’re going too fast to stop now ahhh the worst
    – First time I went in a lake and felt seaweed at my feet I thought, “Why the hell do people enjoy going in a lake? Stay home.”
    – PowerPoint presentations perturb Paul
    – “57. CATS (I really needed this to be number 1, but 54 will do).” ahahahaha
    – I don’t know how people leave a washroom without flushing. It makes no sense to me.
    – Toothpaste remnants yes!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ your responses and comments literally flip my days totally around. Thanks for managing to do that from all the way in Canada. Seriously. You’re the best πŸ€—

      Liked by 1 person

  3. – You lied! In your other post you said you love Moana (but it’s a cartoon after the 90s…)
    – Gray lipstick – I mean why!? Who would ever wear it!
    – Beer. I’m with you on this. I’m not quite adult enough to like it yet.

    B.b.b.but…you hate tea? My little English heart is crying for you.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You def thought about it more than I did hmmm. I love family guy and American dad but that’s like equal to South Park back in the day not really for “kids” hahah! And also I have TRIED SO MANY times with tea because I really WANT to love tea and I just can’t get accustomed to the taste of any of them ah!

        Like

  4. UHM how am I as old as I am and have never heard that you have to give bitch to the placenta? I mean, logistically it makes sense but holy crap, I’d have to add #100 to my list of things that burden my soul too if babies were in my near future. Oh and humble-braggers, 100%.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, I love you so much it hurts. The close talker thing! I have a really dear girlfriend who is like a foot shorter than I am and looks up at me, standing super close when she talks, and I feel like “Do you want to make out? Cause….I mean, I don’t really swing that way…but, I guess we could” and then I have to remind myself that this is just the way she talks to people and she is not trying to get smoochies. Also that cashew after taste is semen-y the word you are looking for is semen-y ( is is so a word shut up)
    https://damngirlgetyourshittogether.com/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lmfao!!!! I’m cracking up right now! I think I love you too (should we make out?!) just kidding. I don’t swing that way either. But I guess we could! Hahaha! You’re AMAZING!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t opened my twitter account!!! Lmfao! I’m gonna do it today I promise! And OMG!! πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

      Liked by 1 person

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