Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

Alright STOP. Collaborate and Listen…

There’s a question which has grabbed ahold of me tightly. It’s flowing like a harpoon in my mind, daily and nightly and it’s killing my brain like a poisonous mushroom. So let’s get quick to the point, to the point no faking. tumblr_mxw15dVWm31rlb6iho1_400(I don’t eat bacon so I won’t be cooking any MC’s like a pound of them nor have I ever heard a real-life cymbal so I’m not sure if I’d go crazy if I ever heard one…have I lost you already?!) Perfect. 

So tell me. Do you ever actually STOP to think? Actually, physically stop to reflect or to meditate or to contemplate or to ponder or to analyze? Anything? Ever? Without your phone on hand? Without social media on deck?


Yea. That’s what I thought.

Well my phone decided to take a poop on me this weekend and I’ve literally not been able to use it for anything for ALMOST 2 straight blissful days. And it felt- ever so relaxing. I mean, no fucking pressure. No need to check Instagram or Facebook, or even WordPress stats and I mean I have a laptop, but I figured meh…I’m on a roll… I can wait. It just felt too GOOD to not give a shit. And it gave me time to think without disturbance or interruption for a little while. Which was also pretty meditative and unlike me because when I do “think” it’s usually with my phone on hand where I can take notes or look for inspirational fucking quotes. And it’s always such a rushed process.

The truth of the matter is that we have things to do, people to do to stalk to avoid, posts to write, coffees to drink, children to keep alive, more coffees to drink, floors to clean, bills to pay to avoid, laundry to wash (and fold and put away and then wash again) to avoid,  places to go if we have enough gas to get there. Who has time to just sit around and marinate in philosophical mumbo jumbo right? There’s just not enough time in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year, in a decade, in a millenium- to take a few minutes to do absolutely nothing other than to process the clusterfucks that are occurring in our minds.

When put this into perspective- the way that we NEVER fucking stop- everything else just starts to sort of make sense. Like, no fucking wonder so many adults are diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety and bipolar disorders. Yea, no shit 76% of the adult population in the world is on Xanax (fake fact). It’s no wonder therapists and counselors and psychiatrists are booked for months at a time and charge 200$ an hour (they need therapists and counselors and psychiatrists too and that shit’s expensive)!

We’re in such a rush to get through life and just die already (what? You don’t want to die “already”? Well you could’ve fooled J-Dawg up there. Ya’ll so rushed through life you trippin’….into your own graves that is) that we’ve completely lost sight of any and everything that should matter.

As written by the bitterest blogger I know over at Ben’s Bitter Blog:

The white glow awakens me in the morning, no not the sun, but my cell phone.

The buzzing of new activity today excites me for another day. No, not the buzzing of bees hovering outside my window, but the twittering of Tweets I get from my phone about next big trend.

You can read this beautifully written post here.

I couldn’t have said it better myself Ben. Technology is what has ultimately led us to these “speedy” times isn’t it? We really have become dependent on technology as a species and we are slowly but for-surely evolving into multifunctional, fast-paced robots concealed by fleshy stuff. I suspect that we’ll probably stop naturally producing blood, tears, earwax, and armpit hairs in the next hundred years or so.

Perhaps in the future, women will finally come fully equipped with an “easy-access, no hassle” switch that men can (literally) turn on and bam! The deed is done, no questions asked. No flowers, chocolate, foreplay, or other time-consuming crap needed! We’re instantly hot and ready like the sex machines they’ve always wanted us to be. Of course it’s only fair men come with (ladies, I got your backs, don’t worry) a “Yes, of course honey”, “off”,  and “activate shopping spree for wife” three-in-one switch.

Evolution. It’s the Law of nature. Survival of the fittest. Adaptation. All that good Darwin shit I love to love.

And I Kinda wish I get to see this unfold. But chances are I’ll be watching from the Golden Gates Cafe. J-Dawg and I will be sipping on some heavenly lattes, watching Robo-Earth self destruct. We’ll share some angelic chuckles and talk about the “good old days” when humans had to pump their own gas and deal with “broken hearts” and “past due bills”. Look at these fools now, E. They don’t age. They don’t laugh. They don’t make love. They don’t play. These idiots aren’t heaven material. They get to go straight to the junkyard. Where the rest of the useless junk in the world goes. Fools. I gave them the world and this is how they repaid themselves. Fuck em’. 

Don’t we see that the way our lives are set up; these speed-of-light-or-nothing, cannot-live without-our-stupid-smartphone lives are exponentially fucking up our world? Everything is fast. If it’s not fast- we don’t want it. 2-day guaranteed Prime shipping? Nope! Not good enough! Try again! So poor Amazon took desperate measures and now offers Amazon Prime-NOW. Like what the fuck? Calm down people!

The fast-food industry is so “fast” now we have apps to pre-order our food to go pick it up at a “fast-food” place. Like really? And we don’t even know or care what the fuck is in that stuff anymore because the animals that we need meat from? Yea- they take take this thing called time to be born and raised and killed and processed. But everyone is like WHAT is taking so long?! Fuck nature! I have wall full of stuff to like on Facebook people! Let’s inject shit to speed up labor by half the time so that what’s born isn’t even a cow anymore it’s now pretty much self-inflicted-slow-death dressed up like a cow and we might as well be asking for the #6 meal on the menu at Satan’s Fast Shack: Hi yes! I’ll take the number 666 combo meal? The stage 4 Metastatic Cancer-King Burger with extra poison-sauce and a side of funeral. To drink? Oh yea. Make that a Large DIET coke please. I’m trying to eat healthier.  Gotta watch my figure. And can ya speed it up? I have 76 meetings in the next 10 minutes. Thanks.

We refuse to wait  because we have zero patience for anything anymore. And our excuse for everything is now “I just didn’t have the time”. Bullshit. We have the time. We just absolutely SUCK at making the best of our time. We’ve evolved into an easily distracted, inefficient, unhealthy, and unproductive species who depends on technology and social media for all-of-the-things.

But I still want to wake up to the sun and to sound of the buzzing of bees  I don’t have that kind of hearing quality so let’s say to the barking of my neighbor’s grumpy dog. I want to be able to sit around and do nothing but think to myself. About everything.  I want to be present here inlife as much as online.

I’m growing terrified of this world that my children are being brought up in and I’m doing everything that I can to keep them playing outside and away from technological addictions. I know there are children out there who’ve never rolled down a grassy hill and discovered that grass can sometimes make their skin itchy! I know children who play on their iPads while in a park for fuck’s sake. Or children who have never had a scraped knee. Even worse- I know there are parents who have “no time” to take their children to a park, yet they spend hours on end eating shit on their phones at home, doing nothing and who literally flip out when and if their kids get the slightest of scrapes.

I don’t want to be an iHuman in this iWorld guys I don’t want this crap for my kids but it seems as if it’s a war that no one will ever win.

Evolution? Adaptation? Survival of the Fittest?

Sigh. Who the hell knows anything anymore. No time to figure it all out.



10 thoughts on “Alright STOP. Collaborate and Listen…”

  1. Wowee when you get on a roll, you’re like a bouncy ball down a mountain. This was outstanding! I actually deactivated my Facebook just over a month ago. I realized I didn’t really care about 98% of the people on there anymore and my humour wasn’t as appreciated anymore because liking Facebook statuses is taboo now. Instagram is where its at (for now). It’s such a freeing feeling not knowing what Johnny McDougie from Grade 9 English class is up to every day. Kids these days are glued to technology before they even start kindergarten. No wonder they have problems paying attention in class. They’re already taught that its okay to not pat attention to anything that you have to tilt your head up to see.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I looked for you on Facebook! Ha! And since WordPress I’m on there less and less because my rants are MUCh more appreciated and less judged and criticized on my blog! And thanks! I’ve always wanted to be compared to a bouncy ball. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂😂 (only 4 this time). And Johnny McDougie really sucks anyways! Ha!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. If I ever crawl back to Facebook I’ll let you know! So true, I’m much more appreciated on WordPress (at least now I am) than I was on Facebook and it’s nicer talking to strangers for some reason. 4 emojis! That’s progress! Your IG comment took up 4 lines in my notifications. I was dying hahaha

        Liked by 1 person

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