Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

25 Thoughts and Things and Stuff 

Ok ok ok. I’ve told a little white fib. It’s going to be more like 50 things. But I wouldn’t have dared smuggle “50” anything into the title because such a choice would have doomed this post the *Rue of the Blogger Games. And we all know the odds were not in her favor. 

[And right here is where I almost t-boned you with a long-winded rant that just went way further than I intended and that was not the plan Stan. So I’ve removed it and it’s currently sitting in my drafts for its own future post. (And hey Stan? Who are you anyways and did you not like, hate the stupid person who first said “Sounds like a plan Stan” to you? Because I imagine that person as a lower-level red-headed corporate suck-up with a fuzzy mustache and-way-too-short pants who makes everyone’s coffee and wears a stupid smile on his stupid face all. the. stupid. time.]

Also. You can blame my new friend Paul over at The Captain’s Speech  for this whole “50 Things” thing! I’ve enjoyed reading his randomized lists of whatever and nothing and everything so much that the concept got me all goo-goo-dolled-eye over it like oooohhh it’s soooo shinnnyyy….. I wannnttttt…

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And if you are unacquainted with Paul (crap. I think I’ve revealed your unsuperheroish name. Meh. They’re too distracted and rushed. They didn’t even notice. ) then you need to go and fix that. He’s brutally hysterical and with-it.

  1. If you don’t know Rue. *Rue was a young child who pretty much immediately died in The Hunger Games. She was cute and symbolic but had no hope. Hence my suckbutt-metaphor in paragraph 1.
  2. Why is it called THROW BACK THURSDAY and not BRING-IT-BACK THURSDAY?! We’re posting up old memories; BRINGING BACK old memories not “throwing them” back. Da fuck?! That’s it. I’m done. It’s now “BIBT” for me from now on. And I’m copyrighting that.
  3. Speaking of “bullshit” what did a bull ever do to that guy? Why wasn’t it like “I call oxshit!” Or buffaloshit. Or Cashmeregoatshit. Did the largest turd win? And who was judging this shit (literally)?
  4. If Trump banned transgenders from the military- I wonder if he was like “Mehhh…  hermaphrodites are cool though. Let ’em through.”
  5. I spend approximately $3,500 a year on coffee. It’s no wonder I don’t travel. But the way my addiction is set up..
  6. In reference to #4: the next time I rant about how BROKE I am. Fucking slap me. Cyber-slap me. Thanks.
  7. The sky is not “the limit” people. You DO know there’s stuff AFTER and beyond the sky right? Maybe Columbus came up with that one around the same time he said the world was flat. Makes sense. Except we know the world isn’t flat now so we stopped saying that. So stop telling kids “the sky’s the limit” because it’s not. You’re polluting young minds and damaging futures with these limit-fuckeries.
  8. Jelly & Peanut Butter. Cheese-n-Mac. Meatballs & Spaghetti. Cheese-Grilled Sandwich. Ham and Eggs Green…..I’ll let that sink in. #rulesfuck
  9. As a general rule: pudding should never be watery. And there should never be such a thing as watermelon flavored pudding. Sorta traumatized here Paul…..
  10. I just learned there’s such a thing as a mini flat-iron that connects to the electric charger hole-thingy in a CAR.  I’m serious. Here it is! And what is that car socket thingy called?! (And I’m an ex-chemistry major. HA!) 
  11. Turns out I went my whole childhood under false pretense that a Woodchuck chucking wood was a bird. Like Woody Wood Pecker? At 32, I now know it is a groundhog. I feel violated, lied to, and confused as to how I’ve gotten this far in life.
  12. Remember that drink SURGE that started depleting sperm count in men? How did they DO that and can they do it again? Because there are now more men than EVER who should NEVER procreate.
  13. And speaking of procreation. Can we put a brief pause on humanity in the name of traffic and overcrowded classrooms and parking lots? Sorta Like in theme parks? There’s a maximum capacity and when it’s full everyone has to wait till someone leaves? Except the theme park is Earth. And someone has to drop dead in order for God to give the green light for one viable sperm to get through. Too much?  Please go HERE!
  14. Cake mixes 101: Add an extra egg. Use milk never water. Double up the butter. Add 1 tsp vanilla. Add 1 package vanilla pudding mix (not watermelon). Mix and bake as stated on box. YOU ARE FUCKING WELCOME!
  15. Best Life-hack: don’t be a reproductive organ in life. Don’t be such a pussy. And don’t be a dick! I know. I’m a genius. Aristotle would have been proud.
  16. Cacti and succulents needs like no attention or care. Yet I still manage to kill them.
  17. RED duotang folders will be the death of me. Every color of the rainbow available by the truckloads. But not one red one. Anywhere.
  18. Victoria’s “secret” is that Victoria is a man. Did I just ruin that for you? 
  19. Telling a waiter that you’re spouse is diabetic and their sugar is dropping gets your order in about 5 times quicker. (Again, you’re welcome)
  20. I think I socialize and interact more with my new friends on WP, than with my actual real-life friends.
  21. Why did “God” create Head Lice? I feel like one of his disciples should have taken his magic-wand away and been like “Go home God, you’re drunk” right before he created these tiny jerks.
  22. Did Nelly’s cut ever actually heal? Or was he trying to hide a pimple? Also- how sanitary was that bandaid? I wonder if it was ever changed….
  23. When I finished watching 13 Reasons Why, I realized that God was also hammered throughout this whole era and mostly all Millenials were results of his just pressing a bunch of buttons at the same time and then blacking out on top of the  button labeled “unstable state of mind” and so they all got an overdose of THAT which permanently fucked them.
  24. Disney world is a nightmare. Whoever said that place was the “happiest place on Earth” had probably just been released from serving 2 life sentences in an isolated prison and never even caught a glimpse of daylight. Get the fuck out of here. An alligator just killed a toddler there not long ago. It’s HELL disguised with characters.
  25. Escalators are horrifying. I’m always worried I’ll miss a step and die or that the ending part we “jump” over will suck me inside and kill me.

Ok. I stopped at 25! Because I just realized that I write and rant way too much for a list of stuff and I can’t keep things short enough because of the way I’m wired! So I guess the little white fib was unnecessary! And now we can still keep an honest, open, and trusting relationship. Thank BLOG.

Until next time!

Unapologetically Yours,

111fox

19 thoughts on “25 Thoughts and Things and Stuff ”

  1. I’m so happy you did this!
    1. I don’t know Rue. (That could also be Scooby-Doo talk for “I don’t know you”)
    2. Or if there are memories you don’t want to remember – Throw it under a bus Thursday. TIUABT.
    5. I don’t drink coffee
    8. Where I’m from (Earth), we call it a Grilled-Cheese Sandwich hahaha what is a Cheese-Grilled Sandwich?
    9. IT WAS NOT WATERMELON PUDDING. IT WAS BANANA PUDDING. I HAD WATERMELON SEPARATELY. AHHHHHHHH.
    11. The woodchuck thing isn’t a bird………?
    20. Stick around a while and it gets worse/better(?) I talk to more blogger friends than real life friends now.
    25. Getting on an escalator is the most worrisome thing. I did not learn in school how to time my steps to get on when the next step is appearing from out of nowhere.

    (Let’s test out our new system….Don’t be a box, give a fox! I might shorten that to, “Don’t box, Fox” in the future.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL!!!!!! I can’t keep up with you!!! You’re lightening fast!!! This is hysterical! I’m dying at the scooby-do talk lmfao!!!!! Much like I SANG THE PART OF YOUR POST IN MY HEAD WHEN YOU WERE ALL LIKE “like a big pizza pieee” and I sang it with an Italian accent! Hahaha and I just want to be clear about the pudding situation. I promise I’ll stop with the watery pudding now! LOL!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha oh good that part was meant to be sung in an Italian accent since I am Italian. I have a watery pudding story for you but it might make your squirm. Let me know if you wanna hear it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Alright so I was at this Italian buffet a few years ago and was looking at the dessert counter when all of a sudden I see this kid put his hand flat in the bowl of chocolate pudding. It was like that hero of a boy in Matilda. That pudding was too watery for me so I never had it but now I stay away from it for sure since I saw what the kid. Oh and the parent pulled the kids hand out and they walked away WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. I witnessed a pud and run.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. 😂😂😱😱😱 I can see how that would traumatize you! Ha!!! And Matilda is LIFE! Lol!!! I can still watch it over and over and root for the kid to finish the damn chocolate cake!!!! Come on fat boy you can doooo it!!!!!!!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. 😄sounds like an adult SMASH CAKE SESSION! Which I kind of wanna do even though it’s a millennial thing and I try to avoid behaving like a millennial because I’m a legit 90s kid and we just deserve a different level of respect because 90s kids were the last generation of us who lived “normal childhoods” 😂😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Oh by “destroy” I meant “eat with my hands and face and no regard for plates” haha. I agree with your 90s kid rant! I was born in 91 so I only remember from 95 onwards. I’m a semi-legit 90s kid?

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I feel a little better. Thank you. But I’m sorry you pulled a muscle!! Did you fall asleep and have one of those “falling down” dreams where you wake up right before you land?! Happens to me all the time sans the torn muscles. 😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I knew about 18!!! When I first learned about it, I was like ummm that’s messed up. And then I read the creator created it for him to buy his wife underwear without feeling uncomfortable and I thought that’s really sweet! It’s helpful for us women too! I was an “early bloomer” and it was ALWAYS uncomfortable for me to buy bras at a young age (especially when the cashier was male). Thank goodness for Victoria’s Secret. Buying underwear is more fun than uncomfortable haha 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen to THAT!!!! 👌🏼🤗😘 have you ever tried buying underwear some place like Walmart? There’s always a lonely creeper who isn’t with his wife walking up and down the aisle trying to catch a glimpse of what you’re picking out and then you feel like the dude has X-ray vision for fucksake lol I mean. Talk about wierd. But yet I can be in a VS for hours on end holding a bunch of intimate stuff around 25 men and not even feel an ounce of that awkward crap. Thank you VS lol!! And fuck you Walmart! Lol!

      Liked by 1 person

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