Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

Twenty-Sixteen Twenty-Smitzsheen

I'm going to try my hardest NOT to make this a cliché "Looking back at 2015...." or "My hopes for 2016 are..." kinda post. Just no. First of all, 2016 is like in 9 hours and I'm pretty sure my life will not be drastically altered or "improved" in any fucking way by then. The… Continue reading Twenty-Sixteen Twenty-Smitzsheen

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Soul-Searching Rants, Witty Rants

Vortex of Funk

I actually left work early today. Halle-fucken-luyah! Maybe...I told myself...just MAYBE my kids won't eat Burger King, Mac-n-Cheese, or cold hotdogs and chocolate chip cookies for dinner! A few minutes before I gathered my life back into my oversized bag, I sat at my desk listening to Rihanna complaining about collecting money from some bitch… Continue reading Vortex of Funk

Witty Rants

Let Freedom RING… (or not…)

It's not that I've not had the need to write. Believe me. The need is a poisonous little creature that gnaws through (or at?) my brain con.stant.ly.  It's just that for FIVE whole entire consecutive blessed days, I have NOT had a smart phone! FIVE. Are you reading this? FIVE WHOLE FUCKING DAYS. Some deprived asshole stole… Continue reading Let Freedom RING… (or not…)

Soul-Searching Rants

The Girl With 10 Souls

I'm a freakish mutated creature of some parallel universe. I mean truly.  I'm like, part intoxicated hyena, part ferocious neon pink tiger, part manic depressive turtle, part Dory from Finding Nemo, part Unicorn on crack.  Essentially, I'm pretty convinced that I've been genetically blessed with some form or level of- multiple personality/bipolar/identity disorder or a… Continue reading The Girl With 10 Souls

Caking & Baking, Witty Rants

Stupid-Proof Baking: 101

  Welcome to class fellow wanna-be-bakers. I'm your common-sense instructor, Ely. What are my qualifications you ask? I have a PHd in Youtubeology with a minor in Pinterestopathy. Any further questions?  Fantastic. As you may or may not know, 8 months ago I invested my mind, my soul, my sanity, and every penny of $600.00… Continue reading Stupid-Proof Baking: 101

Letters, Uncategorized, Witty Rants

Backyard Birthday Party Etiquette: Tips and Pointers for the Impressively Stupid

(RE-BLOGGED from my ex blog!): So my princess Tiffanyt turned five and fabulous on the 23rd and I decided on a backyard birthday party in our home. "Just do it at your house," they said. "It'll be FUN!" they said.  What in fuck’s name was I high on when I made this decision? Overall, (and… Continue reading Backyard Birthday Party Etiquette: Tips and Pointers for the Impressively Stupid

Parenting Rants, Witty Rants

Vagisil Is Safe For Bubble Baths! (You’re Welcome!)

(RE-BLOGGED from my ex-blog Sass Past Midnight): Needless to say, a lot has been-a happnin’ in the delirious world of yours truly over the last couple of months. I have been fidgeting and face-booking for like… 40 minutes, trying to organize my hot mess of a life in my mind and figure out a civilized fashion in which to spill… Continue reading Vagisil Is Safe For Bubble Baths! (You’re Welcome!)

Lifestyle Rants, Soul-Searching Rants

Fearless and Fabulous

Fun fact: I am a geek who is obsessed with books! Above all, I am addicted to inspirational, humorous, sassy, real life type of books and I am so glad I ordered this little gem on Amazon! Cara is a self-made life coaching piece of human sass who started as just the blogger behind thechampagnediet.com… Continue reading Fearless and Fabulous

Caking & Baking

The Sweetest Dream

If you still don't know shit about me that's cool. I have narcissistic tendencies. I'm a creature of self-love, thus, I rarely mind showing my (inner) self off (because I love my fabulous soul however, my body nooootttt so much!) 7.5 months ago I was possessed by the idea of decorating an Easter cake with… Continue reading The Sweetest Dream