Letters, Witty Rants

Facebook Rant!


I am aware that this is not a unique topic. I wouldn’t be the first nor the last “blogger” to rant about the countless number of fucked up decisions people make on social media daily. But I’m gonna put my 2 cents in anyhow. Free country. God bless ‘Merica.

But as a mini disclaimer let me just say this- I’m NOT saying I’ve always been innocent! I have my moments. My biggest social media flaw(s) are admittedly as follows: selfies, and venting about my relationship. There. I admit it. But I’m learning how to use this blog now for most of my personal rambles. Your welcome Facebook. Also, none of this is targeted at anyone specifically. It’s all mostly random stuff that really pinches me in an uncomfortable spot- like that little underarm fat. Don’t even play….you know what I’m talking about!

Mind you…most, if not all of the following have been social media crimes committed by grown ass ADULTS and even some elderly…and while I’m a huge endorser of the whole “fuck what people think” attitude, this stuff is just beyond me. I feel embarrassed FOR them.

-I don’t believe in breastfeeding (this one is gonna bring me some drama lol) I wasn’t raised around it. I think it’s kind of barbaric. My breasts are very sexual to me thus having my child sucking on them would make me feel like I’m violating some kind of mom code. You may consider me ignorant and that’s cool but this is how I feel. Yes, I am very educated on the topic. Yes, I understand that your kid may be brilliant and healthier than whatever. I understand it helps you bond with your child. No seriously. I. Get. It. Lucky me I have 2 beautiful, healthy, energetic (to say the least) children, who never so much as touched my twins. But here is what I don’t get. I don’t get why the hell you feel it’s cool for your 3 year old with a mouth full of teeth to be munching on your nipples- I mean the kid is going HAM-and as if that weren’t enough, you go and post a picture of it in action. You didn’t even BLUR your nipple honey. Have some consideration… we can see it. Clearly. And it is pretty fucking disturbing. Please put clothes on. And go get a gallon of milk for that child.

-If you’re a Facebook Ghost, you’re the worst kind of on social media criminal. Here’s what you do: you NEVER like any of your friends pictures, never comment on anyone’s status, never reply to posts on your wall but then you randomly post a status criticizing about how much “time and energy” people waste on Facebook, how stupid their selfies are, or how exhausted you are of reading dramatic status updates. Wait….but you’re CONSTANTLY on Facebook hiding behind the scenes, clearly stalking people’s lives in silence. You’re no better buddy! Don’t you get it? You are wasting just as much time and energy behind the scenes as we do in the forefront. Get over yourself and post a selfie.

-Please. Explain to me why single mothers who are dating don’t understand that it’s not respectable to post pictures up of every single man they meet and happen to go on a few dates with. Just because you deleted the pictures you posted up of John from 2 weeks ago doesn’t mean it was wiped from human memory doll. We also still remember Chris, Peter, Allen, and Mario….all from last month. Control yourself ladies. Wait until it’s special and stable. Rule of thumb: if you haven’t pharted in front of each other and laughed hysterically or had a conversation while one of you takes a dump- then it’s not ready to be posted on facebook. Unless you’re super gross and often do that on your first few dates, at which point, you have no hope anyways. Carry on!

Considering that I typed this all during traffic on my commute home from work- I’d say that’s a satisfying rant!  Now off to Facebook so that everyone on my friend list can ponder whether or not they’re being directly attacked and whether they should be offended or not. Bahahahaha. Oh the mystery.

Unapologetically Yours,

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