It feels like just yesterday I was sixteen and SWORE I was a grown ass woman who was way beyond my years and had it all pretty much figured out: graduate college with a bachelors at age 22. No exceptions. Get accepted into pharmacy school no later than 23. Graduate with my PharmD before 27. Plan my dream wedding, travel (to Greece specifically), buy my first home, drive my dream car, have 2 kids- all by the time I was 30. I was pretty serious about this shit too.
Little did I KNOW that well, life got in the way of my perfect little plan. Boy was I in for a surprise! I actually ended up dropping out of high school a year later and while I enrolled to college a year earlier than my peers, it was a grand waste of fucking time, financial aid, and credits. I was not ready for it. I was trying to be ahead of the game but in the process, I ended taking like 10 years to even get my associates because I was constantly changing my majors, dropping classes left and right, partying, getting kicked out of my house, being in “love”, working full time to pay a Honda Civic….basically I was way too busy being a dumbass little girl who still couldn’t tell left from right and couldn’t get her shit together. And that’s nothing. I wish I had enough time to entertain you with the countless fucked up decisions I made. Jumping a few years over, I ended up being pregnant at 23 years old by my high school sweet heart who is currently my fiancé/baby daddy/partner in crime/person who I love and hate the most/wanna push him off a cliff but then run down to the bottom and catch him.
Ironically, I had 2 kids before finishing school, getting married, traveling, or buying my dream car or a house. And with the blink of an eye, I’m turning 30 years old tomorrow and you know what? I would not change a THING about my past. I would do it all over again. I would retake every single breathe and relive every single moment- including moments that I thought I would never recover from. Every single choice I have made in my life has led me to where I am today and has shaped me into the woman that I have become-no matter fucking crazy or goofy or immature I can be sometimes. I may not have become a pharmacist and I may not drive a Range Rover, but I have been blessed with 2 beautiful healthy children, a man who despite his flaws and our rocky history has been the love of my life since I was 14 years old and is here to support me in all of my madness, a roof over my head, a wonderful career, a side hustle that I have pursued with all of the passion inside of me, food in my refrigerator, a new car, money to spend despite not being able to splurge, and friends that became family.
Life may not have met my teenage expectations but I am rich. I don’t give a shit what anyone else says. I am RICH. I am humble, I have a sense of humor that I cherish about myself, I am honest, and I own my mistakes and make the best out of any fucked up situation I find myself in. I am contagious and convinced but never conceited. I’m open minded, creative, fearless, fierce, intelligent, inspired, and full of heart. I don’t need money, a degree hung up on a wall, or expensive materials to prove any of that. We are not on this Earth to compete amongst one another or to prove anything to anyone. We are here to do one thing, and one thing only. We are here to LIVE. I truly do believe that our sole purpose as human beings is to simply BE. To simply LIVE and then to simply die. To live means to create a life of choice for ourselves. Every single choice we make from the moment we open our eyes on this Earth plays a role in creating this life that we live. Every event precedes another event and once that chain begins, it doesn’t end. Until it does end. I’ll be 30 years on this Earth tomorrow, and now is when I see these ideas lucidly. I have a different understanding that life comes to an end and how I spend the time that is left- be it 2 weeks or 75 years-is up to me.
After tomorrow, I would like to spend less time worrying.
I would like to spend more time with my babies, who are growing up right before my eyes.
I would like to spend less time focused on money, and more time focused on enjoying the things that I do in order to make money.
I would like to connect with more people. People of all corners of the world. I hope to do so via this blog.
I would like to inspire others to be fearless and to love themselves for who and what they are, no matter HOW imperfect or fucked up they think they are.
I would like to spend less time cleaning and more time playing.
I would like to spend more time outdoors, and save my pennies to travel more often.
I would like to wake up every day for the rest of my life feeling like I do right this very moment: full of energy, full of hope, thankful, blessed, humble, beautiful, and endlessly inspired.
I hope to always feel like I am ENOUGH and that I deserve happiness and prosperity.
I hope all of these things for all of you too.
Happy almost 30th birthday to my badass self!!!!!!